Alfred doesn't return the embrace right away - his arms are, for a moment, stiff at his sides, body shaking. But the words help steel him again, bring him back to his senses, and he slowly leans into Herbert, burying his face against soft blonde hair.

"I...I guess I never really...realized how badly it all...hurt."

But he's not coming undone like he normally is - not melting into sobs. He's done plenty of crying.

He just sounds...tired.

So tired.

"There's a reason I don't...talk about it all, Herbert. I don't mean to keep secrets from you. I just - I've locked it all away for such a long time. I had to, or - or I-"

He lets the statement rest there.