It's really badly wrapped, but the giver has clearly put a lot of effort into making sure it's sealed. Going by the amount of tape involved, anyway. If Alfred successfully fights his way past the layers of tape, inside he'll find a beautiful scarf, a thick red wool clearly given with the chill of the peninsula in mind.
Alfred is surprised to find the gift - but once he gets through the carapace of tape, he is absolutely delighted by what he finds. His eyes light up, and he immediately throws it around his neck.
Where it will remain, every time he leaves his home, a reminder that there are people here who care about him.
[After getting Alfred's gift, Phil immediately feels a pang of guilt for not getting him anything in return. It shouldn't be a big deal. He barely knows the kid, he really shouldn't care, but regardless Phil finds himself scrounging for something Alfred could use.
That evening, Alfred will find a neatly wrapped outside of where he lives. Inside it is a couple of individually wrapped brownies and a note.]
Alfred,
Figured you would want these so you can chill out for once. It'll be like the joint I gave you but it won't give you those coughing fits.
HUGE FUCKING WARNING THOUGH: ONLY TAKE A SINGLE BITE FROM THESE THINGS. THEY TAKE OVER AN HOUR TO KICK IN SO DON'T FUCKING THINK THAT IT'S NOT WORKING AND TAKE THE WHOLE BROWNIE.
I guess you can call me if you have any questions but don't come crying to me if you have a freak out high from eating every single brownie in here.
[Alfred is absolutely touched by the gesture - if a little bit nervous to actually try the edibles, given the note. He does, eventually - on a particularly bad night where he wakes up crying - take his first nibble off of one, and finds that it DOES help him wind back down, at least.
He does make a note to ask Phil at a later date about how you get the cannabis into the brownies, exactly. He is, after all, fond of baking, and perhaps he can return the favor.]
[Though he doesn't know him well, his awareness of Alfred being so new to Ryslig has had Jonathan feel the need to reach out for the holidays. Accompanying a well drawn card- depicting what seems to be a rather cheerful holiday dog, how sweet!- Jonathan has included some packets of tea, and a small tin of biscuits.]
Happy Nattensfest, as they say in this land. While we may have spoken only briefly, with the holiday season so fast approaching, I thought it unkind not to make certain that at least one gift may be received this year; though I hope that you may have been given much more.
It is not much- I did not wish to make assumptions as to preferences- but I hope that wherever you stay, and whatever you do, you keep warm and brave through this cold winter. Should you wish to visit for tea, you need only message as well! I would so greatly love to remain in contact.
[So regaining the memories of his doppelganger was bad enough but eventually he realizes
Fuck Alfred probably saw that night he had with his own doppel huh?
It takes a long time for Phil to post this, but he eventually submits a quick post to the poor kid.]
Hey so, uh, you probably have memories from your weird double right?
I don't know if you recall this but sorry if you saw me fucking your doppelganger. I seriously had no idea that we would gain the memories of our doubles after they blew up on us.
[A pause.]
Also sorry that he tied you up and left you in the alleyway while we were having sex.
[Alfred has, since all of that happened, done what Alfred does best. After being shellshocked and horrified for a while, he pushed it down, and has largely been trying not to acknowledge what happened at all.
So when he checks his laptop and he gets the message, he drops his teacup, cursing softly as it shatters on the floor of his apartment.
After cleaning it up, he sits down...and trying to collect himself, he answers.]
Hallo, Phil.
Yes, I...remember. Thannk you for the apologies. It was a stran ge situation. I have been trying not to think abouut it too much. Some things about the way he was makes me feel sort of
Never mind.
I have never actually done anythinng like that, so I suppose at least it was informative.
[Oh good he accepted the apologies. Phil is tempted to just leave it at that but
That feels wrong. He feels like he should at least help this poor kid out.]
Do you want to talk? I'm not exactly known for my abilities to make people not feel like shit but I don't want you to be traumatized by something I didn't mean to do to you. And I don't know if gay sex is common where you're from it's probably a lot to take in if you're not used to it.
[It takes
All of his self control to not tack on a ";) at least your first time was with a god of sex" at the end.]
[On the other side of the keyboard, in the privacy of his apartment where no one can see or hear him, Alfred is...crumbling. Behind him, his tail is lashing back and forth, agitated, almost in time with the trembling of his jaw.
Keep it together, Alfred. It's fine. It's fine. You're fine. Nothing is wrong here except for you, idiot, you're always in your own way, aren't you, you stupid, naive thing-
It's fine. You're fine.]
i don't really know how to talk about it?
you didnt do it to me. you did it to him. and he asked for it, af ter all .
[It actually takes Phil about an hour to finally knock on Alfred's apartment door. He debates if he should wait but he assumes the "door unlocked" note meant "let yourself in", and soon lets himself in.
To his credit, the reason why he was so late was that he stopped by a nearby bakery for some herbal tea and donuts for Alfred. He wasn't quite sure if this was his taste, but he figured something hot to drink and refined sugar couldn't hurt him right now.]
[Immediately, there are two things Phil is likely to notice about Alfred's apartment. One is that it is almost unsettlingly clean, everything scrubbed and polished and dusted within an inch of its life, from floor to ceiling. Even in the kitchen, the only thing out of place is a melted microwave.
The other thing is, of course, Alfred himself, sitting in his living room. On the coffee table in front of him is his shut laptop, as well as an open notebook and stopwatch at his right hand.
His left hand is, currently, being held in the flame of a lit candle, and he is staring listlessly at it, eyes still very red from crying. He doesn't look up as Phil enters, shoulders stooped, tail curled around the base of his chair.
[Phil smiles in amusement seeing Alfred's burnt microwave, thinking back fondly to the time he bullied the kid about microwaves. But as he approaches Alfred, he quickly takes note at his puffy eyes and frowns.
Sitting down next to him, he gently frees up his right hand and places the cup of tea in it, before placing the bag of donuts on the table.]
Here, it should be cool enough to drink by now.
[Then there's silence. He's not really sure what to say, at first. The poor kid looks like he's in pure shock and he can't help but feel responsible for it.
Eventually, he exhales, running a hand through his hair.]
Look... if it makes you feel any better it took me a long ass time for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm not exactly straight myself. It's weird to even consider when you've grown up in a world that tells you that men and women are supposed to go together. Don't get me wrong, women are hot, and I still love having sex with them every day but...
[Wait, fuck, this wasn't about his sex adventures. He shakes his head, trying to get back on topic.]
What I'm trying to say is that it's hard sometimes to just... come to terms with who you are. Even though there's nothing wrong with it. Just knowing that you're different in some way and that you aren't considered "normal"...
Well... I guess I know how that feels like too. It sucks, but I know what it feels like. I mean hell, I am hardly the perfect man out here.
[He lets out a half laugh, once again looking at the broken microwave.]
[He barely reacts when the tea is pushed into his hand - but while Phil talks, he very slowly lowers his hand onto the flame, snuffing it out painlessly. He purses his lips, tears trickling numbly down his cheeks.
Different. Not normal. Coming to terms with who he is.
What does any of that even mean? Really?
When he finally speaks, he still doesn't look at Phil yet, his words slow and stilted as he tries to find them.]
...So you are telling me...that there is nothing wrong with me? As I am?
[His tone is...a little bit off, flat. His eyes wander to his mantle, where a small object sits covered by a stray piece of fabric. Contemplative.]
I don't know about that. I mean you're a complete dork who would panic if anyone showed a bit of ankle and yet showed up to a sexy calendar shoot.
[He chuckles lightly, patting Alfred on the back.]
But as people go, thinking men are hot is nothing to be upset about. And as backwards as this planet is, people don't really freak out about people being gay.
[Phil eyes the mantle as Alfred looks at it, curious.]
...You're right. I'm...ridiculous. Enough people have told me so.
[Compared to how animated Alfred usually is, always moving, always talking, he's almost unbearably still right now, save for a slow, languid movement to sip from the tea in his hand ad the uncontrolled twitch of his tail. As Phil talks, very slowly, his gaze slides over to the Goblin.
Without all the bustle, the constant anxiety and chatter and bending over backward for everyone else...he looks so tired. Too tired for someone his age.]
...Sort of.
Have I told you about what happened to me before I got here?
[He stands, going to the mantle and picking up the object to place it in front of Phil. His snowglobe, featuring he and Herbert's dance.
I figured you got bitten by a vampire, but that's it.
[He frowns, slightly, looking at the snowglobe in Alfred's hands, already getting a feeling of what went down.]
... You know, I wonder how much the snowglobes were supposed to cheer us up and how much they were supposed to pointedly call out the crushes we didn't want to admit.
[He loves his own snowglobe, don't get him wrong, but getting his when he was still terrified of committing to a relationship was an icy shock to his system.]
[The comment about the snowglobes makes him visibly wince - he hadn't thought the word 'crush' in relation to Herbert, not really, not yet.
But....
He sighs, letting the trinket sit there on the table between them.]
It's kind of a long story, but...I used to work for a vampire hunter. A brilliant man, but...he was...he was difficult, and he didn't have a lot of faith in me. Most people don't. I know how I seem.
Someone - someone we met got abducted, and taken to a vampire's castle. We went after her, to...well, I wanted to save her. I....
[He stares down at the table, wrapping both hands around the cup of tea.]
I really thought I loved her. I wanted to be...a hero, for once.
[Phil is quiet for once The way he's talking, and the bite mark on his neck, Phil could guess that this story didn't have a happy ending.
He supposed he could relate to that.
Eventually he gently grasps Alfred's shoulder, feeling a bit out of his depth in helping this poor kid, but knowing he can't just leave.]
So you tried your hardest and you failed. It really fucking sucks but you still tried, didn't you? You risked your life to save someone you cared about.
Look, I'm not going to harp on how my life before Ryslig was "hell on earth" or "a living nightmare", but I understand feeling that no matter how hard you try, everything blows up in your face.
[He offers him a small smile.]
And if you ask me, dying trying to save someone's life is a lot more badass than anything I ever did.
[When his shoulder is grasped, Alfred stares at the hand for a moment, sliding his gaze up the attached arm to fix Phil with an attentive look. He doesn't cut the other man off, doesn't bristle because the intent is kind - in fact, he attempts to smile back, a flimsy, half-formed thing that doesn't quite reach his eyes.]
...Thank you. Really, thank you for saying that. But there is...still more to it than that.
She...didn't love me. Not at all. And I didn't want to see it, because a lot of people don't really, ah...like me. But the...the castle? The vampires there? They...spoke of me like I belonged there. And...and when you spend years being told there are so many things wrong with who you are, then someone - someone wants you, but it's - it's not who you-
[His voice breaks, and Alfred himself is dangerously close to breaking, too. He looks at the tiny figure of Herbert in the snowglobe, tears tracking down his cheeks.]
You...you may have noticed...that my doppelganger was...was a vampire, when I am not.
He was better, more comfortable at being me than I am. Remembering...everything he did just...makes me feel like I am in my own way. But I don't know how not to be.
I've realized that I don't know who I am. What I want, what I like. The Alfred who you were...with? He was free.
Look, kid, you're young but you'll eventually learn that relationships are hell to deal with, you may eventually find yourself a nice girlfriend... or boyfriend, but sometimes they don't love you back or they're a vampire. That's life, you have to be able to take some hits if you want love.
[That second part however makes him think. Phil lets out a deep exhale and looks at the floor for a moment. God, he hated how much he related to this.]
... You're not the only one who feels lost.
[He squeezes Alfred's shoulder.]
You met my doppelganger, and I can tell you he acted just like that around me too. He was just so... so perfect. He barely even seemed like me anymore even though he insists that he used to be just like me. He was so fucking kind and patient and good at everything he did.
That man was so much better than me, and I'm not sure I could ever be like him.
[For a moment, as Phil talks, Alfred places his face in one hand, shoulders taut with shame, with confusion, with frustration...but then the conversation shifts. Phil's tone shifts. The squeeze of his shoulder makes him look up, brushing tears out of his own eyes as he watches the man talk.
He's quiet, for a moment, turning it all over in his head. He feels...understood, and the hollow cast to his expression shifts a little more towards sympathy.
His hand moves up to rest over Phil's. Gentle, as is his voice.]
...I did meet him. He was very nice, but...you are...also nicer than you think you are.
You didn't have to come to see me. But here you are. You are...a good friend, Phil. I'm not angry with you, for what you did. I just...it's hard to know what to think, yet.
And...I like you better, as you are.
[His brows knit a little bit together, and he sputters a weak little laugh, looking away.]
For what that is worth. I know I'm - I'm embarrassing, I'm sorry.
[Phil listens, genuinely shocked that Alfred was saying this about him. He supposed he cared about this poor kid a little, considering that he came over and brought food for him. But to say that this kid likes him better, better than a man who saved him?
He didn't know what to think about that.
Eventually, he's brought back at Alfred's final comment, and Phil starts to laugh himself.]
Yeah, you're kind of embarrassing, but hey, you're in good company. I still sometimes forget that I have to wear pants in public.
[It's honestly a miracle he even showed up with pants here.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
forward dated - 24th
Date: 2021-12-23 03:53 pm (UTC)Alfred
Happy Nattensfest/Winter's End/Christmas
-Reverie
no subject
Date: 2021-12-29 10:45 am (UTC)Where it will remain, every time he leaves his home, a reminder that there are people here who care about him.
Backdated to December 26th
Date: 2022-01-01 08:39 pm (UTC)That evening, Alfred will find a neatly wrapped outside of where he lives. Inside it is a couple of individually wrapped brownies and a note.]
Alfred,
Figured you would want these so you can chill out for once. It'll be like the joint I gave you but it won't give you those coughing fits.
HUGE FUCKING WARNING THOUGH: ONLY TAKE A SINGLE BITE FROM THESE THINGS. THEY TAKE OVER AN HOUR TO KICK IN SO DON'T FUCKING THINK THAT IT'S NOT WORKING AND TAKE THE WHOLE BROWNIE.
I guess you can call me if you have any questions but don't come crying to me if you have a freak out high from eating every single brownie in here.
Phil Connors
no subject
Date: 2022-01-03 11:58 pm (UTC)He does make a note to ask Phil at a later date about how you get the cannabis into the brownies, exactly. He is, after all, fond of baking, and perhaps he can return the favor.]
DEC 25 - HAPPY NATTENSFEST
Date: 2022-01-06 12:41 pm (UTC)Happy Nattensfest, as they say in this land. While we may have spoken only briefly, with the holiday season so fast approaching, I thought it unkind not to make certain that at least one gift may be received this year; though I hope that you may have been given much more.
It is not much- I did not wish to make assumptions as to preferences- but I hope that wherever you stay, and whatever you do, you keep warm and brave through this cold winter. Should you wish to visit for tea, you need only message as well! I would so greatly love to remain in contact.
- Jonathan Joestar
[Oh! His laptop address is in the card.]
no subject
Date: 2022-01-15 08:15 am (UTC)He intends to make plans to catch up for tea sometime, in order to get to know Jonathan a bit better.]
<goodweather> Post Doppelganger Event
Date: 2022-02-06 03:13 am (UTC)Fuck Alfred probably saw that night he had with his own doppel huh?
It takes a long time for Phil to post this, but he eventually submits a quick post to the poor kid.]
Hey so, uh, you probably have memories from your weird double right?
I don't know if you recall this but sorry if you saw me fucking your doppelganger. I seriously had no idea that we would gain the memories of our doubles after they blew up on us.
[A pause.]
Also sorry that he tied you up and left you in the alleyway while we were having sex.
< ausername >
Date: 2022-02-06 03:24 am (UTC)So when he checks his laptop and he gets the message, he drops his teacup, cursing softly as it shatters on the floor of his apartment.
After cleaning it up, he sits down...and trying to collect himself, he answers.]
Hallo, Phil.
Yes, I...remember. Thannk you for the apologies. It was a stran
ge situation. I have been trying not to think abouut it too much. Some things about the way he was makes me feel sort of
Never mind.
I have never actually done anythinng like that, so I suppose at least it was informative.
[He...may not be doing so hot, actually.]
<goodweather>
Date: 2022-02-06 03:54 am (UTC)That feels wrong. He feels like he should at least help this poor kid out.]
Do you want to talk? I'm not exactly known for my abilities to make people not feel like shit but I don't want you to be traumatized by something I didn't mean to do to you.
And I don't know if gay sex is common where you're from it's probably a lot to take in if you're not used to it.
[It takes
All of his self control to not tack on a ";) at least your first time was with a god of sex" at the end.]
< ausername >
Date: 2022-02-06 04:05 am (UTC)Keep it together, Alfred. It's fine. It's fine. You're fine. Nothing is wrong here except for you, idiot, you're always in your own way, aren't you, you stupid, naive thing-
It's fine. You're fine.]
i don't really know how to talk about it?
you didnt do it to me. you did it to him. and he asked for it, af
ter all
.
if it is common i would not know
i am not
i don't think i'm
i don't know if
sorry
<goodweather>
Date: 2022-02-06 04:09 am (UTC)This poor kid is absolutely having a crisis.]
Hey, where do you live? I get the feeling this isn't exactly the kind of conversation we should be having over the internet.
If you want me over, that is.
< ausername >
Date: 2022-02-06 04:17 am (UTC)38-8 apts
2nd floor
207
door unlocked
<goodweather> > action
Date: 2022-02-06 04:24 am (UTC)[It actually takes Phil about an hour to finally knock on Alfred's apartment door. He debates if he should wait but he assumes the "door unlocked" note meant "let yourself in", and soon lets himself in.
To his credit, the reason why he was so late was that he stopped by a nearby bakery for some herbal tea and donuts for Alfred. He wasn't quite sure if this was his taste, but he figured something hot to drink and refined sugar couldn't hurt him right now.]
Hey Al? It's me, Phil. I brought donuts.
Action
Date: 2022-02-06 05:00 am (UTC)The other thing is, of course, Alfred himself, sitting in his living room. On the coffee table in front of him is his shut laptop, as well as an open notebook and stopwatch at his right hand.
His left hand is, currently, being held in the flame of a lit candle, and he is staring listlessly at it, eyes still very red from crying. He doesn't look up as Phil enters, shoulders stooped, tail curled around the base of his chair.
His voice is small, when he speaks. Hollow.]
Hallo, Phil. Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-06 05:19 am (UTC)Sitting down next to him, he gently frees up his right hand and places the cup of tea in it, before placing the bag of donuts on the table.]
Here, it should be cool enough to drink by now.
[Then there's silence. He's not really sure what to say, at first. The poor kid looks like he's in pure shock and he can't help but feel responsible for it.
Eventually, he exhales, running a hand through his hair.]
Look... if it makes you feel any better it took me a long ass time for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm not exactly straight myself. It's weird to even consider when you've grown up in a world that tells you that men and women are supposed to go together. Don't get me wrong, women are hot, and I still love having sex with them every day but...
[Wait, fuck, this wasn't about his sex adventures. He shakes his head, trying to get back on topic.]
What I'm trying to say is that it's hard sometimes to just... come to terms with who you are. Even though there's nothing wrong with it. Just knowing that you're different in some way and that you aren't considered "normal"...
Well... I guess I know how that feels like too. It sucks, but I know what it feels like. I mean hell, I am hardly the perfect man out here.
[He lets out a half laugh, once again looking at the broken microwave.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-06 05:49 am (UTC)Different. Not normal. Coming to terms with who he is.
What does any of that even mean? Really?
When he finally speaks, he still doesn't look at Phil yet, his words slow and stilted as he tries to find them.]
...So you are telling me...that there is nothing wrong with me? As I am?
[His tone is...a little bit off, flat. His eyes wander to his mantle, where a small object sits covered by a stray piece of fabric. Contemplative.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-06 07:08 pm (UTC)[He chuckles lightly, patting Alfred on the back.]
But as people go, thinking men are hot is nothing to be upset about. And as backwards as this planet is, people don't really freak out about people being gay.
[Phil eyes the mantle as Alfred looks at it, curious.]
Something important over there for you?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 01:51 am (UTC)[Compared to how animated Alfred usually is, always moving, always talking, he's almost unbearably still right now, save for a slow, languid movement to sip from the tea in his hand ad the uncontrolled twitch of his tail. As Phil talks, very slowly, his gaze slides over to the Goblin.
Without all the bustle, the constant anxiety and chatter and bending over backward for everyone else...he looks so tired. Too tired for someone his age.]
...Sort of.
Have I told you about what happened to me before I got here?
[He stands, going to the mantle and picking up the object to place it in front of Phil. His snowglobe, featuring he and Herbert's dance.
He sits back down, heavily.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 04:22 am (UTC)[He frowns, slightly, looking at the snowglobe in Alfred's hands, already getting a feeling of what went down.]
... You know, I wonder how much the snowglobes were supposed to cheer us up and how much they were supposed to pointedly call out the crushes we didn't want to admit.
[He loves his own snowglobe, don't get him wrong, but getting his when he was still terrified of committing to a relationship was an icy shock to his system.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 06:57 am (UTC)[The comment about the snowglobes makes him visibly wince - he hadn't thought the word 'crush' in relation to Herbert, not really, not yet.
But....
He sighs, letting the trinket sit there on the table between them.]
It's kind of a long story, but...I used to work for a vampire hunter. A brilliant man, but...he was...he was difficult, and he didn't have a lot of faith in me. Most people don't. I know how I seem.
Someone - someone we met got abducted, and taken to a vampire's castle. We went after her, to...well, I wanted to save her. I....
[He stares down at the table, wrapping both hands around the cup of tea.]
I really thought I loved her. I wanted to be...a hero, for once.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 01:20 pm (UTC)He supposed he could relate to that.
Eventually he gently grasps Alfred's shoulder, feeling a bit out of his depth in helping this poor kid, but knowing he can't just leave.]
So you tried your hardest and you failed. It really fucking sucks but you still tried, didn't you? You risked your life to save someone you cared about.
Look, I'm not going to harp on how my life before Ryslig was "hell on earth" or "a living nightmare", but I understand feeling that no matter how hard you try, everything blows up in your face.
[He offers him a small smile.]
And if you ask me, dying trying to save someone's life is a lot more badass than anything I ever did.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-08 11:02 am (UTC)...Thank you. Really, thank you for saying that. But there is...still more to it than that.
She...didn't love me. Not at all. And I didn't want to see it, because a lot of people don't really, ah...like me. But the...the castle? The vampires there? They...spoke of me like I belonged there. And...and when you spend years being told there are so many things wrong with who you are, then someone - someone wants you, but it's - it's not who you-
[His voice breaks, and Alfred himself is dangerously close to breaking, too. He looks at the tiny figure of Herbert in the snowglobe, tears tracking down his cheeks.]
You...you may have noticed...that my doppelganger was...was a vampire, when I am not.
He was better, more comfortable at being me than I am. Remembering...everything he did just...makes me feel like I am in my own way. But I don't know how not to be.
I've realized that I don't know who I am. What I want, what I like. The Alfred who you were...with? He was free.
I just feel...lost.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-09 02:00 am (UTC)[That second part however makes him think. Phil lets out a deep exhale and looks at the floor for a moment. God, he hated how much he related to this.]
... You're not the only one who feels lost.
[He squeezes Alfred's shoulder.]
You met my doppelganger, and I can tell you he acted just like that around me too. He was just so... so perfect. He barely even seemed like me anymore even though he insists that he used to be just like me. He was so fucking kind and patient and good at everything he did.
That man was so much better than me, and I'm not sure I could ever be like him.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-09 10:19 am (UTC)He's quiet, for a moment, turning it all over in his head. He feels...understood, and the hollow cast to his expression shifts a little more towards sympathy.
His hand moves up to rest over Phil's. Gentle, as is his voice.]
...I did meet him. He was very nice, but...you are...also nicer than you think you are.
You didn't have to come to see me. But here you are. You are...a good friend, Phil. I'm not angry with you, for what you did. I just...it's hard to know what to think, yet.
And...I like you better, as you are.
[His brows knit a little bit together, and he sputters a weak little laugh, looking away.]
For what that is worth. I know I'm - I'm embarrassing, I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-13 03:08 am (UTC)He didn't know what to think about that.
Eventually, he's brought back at Alfred's final comment, and Phil starts to laugh himself.]
Yeah, you're kind of embarrassing, but hey, you're in good company. I still sometimes forget that I have to wear pants in public.
[It's honestly a miracle he even showed up with pants here.]