"I think -- " He closes his eyes and flinches hard at the next roll of thunder. "I think I'm going to. To um. I'd like to go to my room. If that's all right."
His bed has curtains that can be drawn. He can be under the covers. Hidden. Safe. "You don't have to -- don't let me stop your work. I'm fine. It's fine."
Okay. Something is absolutely wrong. The only time Herbert ever says 'it's fine' like that is when it isn't fine.
Alfred's brows knit together, and he shakes his head a little.
"...Well, then, I will come with you. I - I've never seen you like this before, Engel. I don't think I want to leave you alone, if it's all the same. My sketches can wait." Standing up, he holds out his hand for his lover to take. The older vampire's behavior is putting him to mind of a frightened cat; something tells him that reaching out for a sudden touch is...not going to help.
"I'm fine." But his voice cracks and he grasps for Alfred's hand desperately. Clinging more tightly than he usually.
"But I -- " Another flash of lightning and Herbert falls into Alfred's arms, gripping the front of his shirt. "I wouldn't mind the company, I'll admit."
Immediately when Herbert latches on, Alfred wraps his arms around him, petting his head, his back, trying to be soothing. He barely even has to try to reach out with his mind to feel what's radiating from his lover; blinding panic, something old and dark scarcely kept at bay. The boy doesn't want to pry or intrude, instead choosing careful words.
"Then we'll go to your room together.
It's okay, you know. If you aren't fine. You tell me the same thing all the time."
Stooping slightly, he simply scoops Herbert up, carrying him bridal-style towards the door so the vampire can keep curled against him, clung to him.
"I...I really have never seen you like this, Engel. Are...you afraid of thunder?"
Herbert wraps his arms around Alfred's neck and holds him tightly as he's carried, not even bothering a token protest. He simply clings tight, face against Alfred's neck so as not to see the lightning as they pass by the window.
"I don't like storms," he explains, his voice small, timid. So unlike anything Alfred has heard from him before.
"That's okay," Alfred reassures, softly, holding him all the tighter when the thunderclap follows the lightning. The pace is slowing. It's going to linger overhead, and Alfred is immediately worried about what that means given the circumstances.
He doesn't tell that to Herbert though. He hasn't seen this kind of fear in his love before, but...Alfred knows it too well. This sort of deep, searing anxiety.
Steady as anything, he walks down the hall, moving towards Herbert's room.
"This is - a surprise, though. It feels like so few things get to you this way. You don't - sound like yourself, right now."
"Shocking that I have a weakness, I know." He tries to laugh but it comes out cracked. Broken and fearful.
He keeps his face against Alfred's face until they reach his room. Then he moves around the room to close curtains of his windows. Then he draws the drapes around his bed. Making it a safe space. A hidden space.
Herbert kicks off his shoes and crawls onto the bed, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around himself tightly.
"No, it - it isn't that. Everyone has something. I have...a lot of somethings. This just - feels different."
Alfred gently sets Herbert down once they're in his room, fingers playing nervously together as he watches the curtains get drawn, the drapes get pulled. He's...a little worried, really. As much as Herbert is trying to dodge the matter, he really hasn't ever seen the man this type of scared. (There was the time when he almost didn't come back, glimpsed from outside his body, but...that was different, too.)
Sliding out of his own boots and shrugging out of his coat, the younger vampire slips through the drapes, moving up to sit right beside the other vampire. Tugging the covers down a bit, he slides under them from the waist down, a patient, quiet little stroke against his lover's arm following shortly after to try to get him to cuddle up.
"...Do you want to talk about it, Engel? You don't - have to, but...you're worrying me."
He doesn't move closer, not yet. But he does take Alfred's hand when he reaches out. "I ought to -- " His voice is distracted, brow furrowed in thought. Lost somewhere else.
"If something growls at you, you growl back louder. But I can't. I have to stay quiet. That's the game." Herbert trails off, looking confused with himself. Not quite present.
"I'm sorry. It's been a while since I've seen a storm this bad. Quite... quite a long while."
Oh. That - does not sound good. Alfred doesn't pull at Herbert, able to see that something is Really Wrong, and instead he uses his free hand to rub soothingly at Herbert's fingers, his wrist his forearm. Fear is roiling off the older vampire like a palpable mist, deep shadow blocking out his lover's usual bright colors.
There's something there - clicking softly around the edges of his senses - but he can't make sense of it. Restlessly, he pulls up one of the throw blankets, so that he can drape it over the blonde's shoulders.
"It's okay, Engel. I'm - I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." And then, softly, lightly -
"I can't remember. Just that I had to keep quiet." He accepts the blanket, wrapping it tight around his shoulders the way Georg so often does with his cloak. Like it might protect him from something, even if he's unsure what.
There's a shadow at the edges of his mind. A wolfish shape, something with too many teeth, and he shudders hard, tucking his chin against his knees at another rumble of thunder. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what's come over me. It's this damned storm. Shaken me up. Such a silly thing, to be scared of storms, I know."
Bright blue eyes watch with rapt attention - taking in every word, every frightened motion Herbert makes. It's heartbreaking, to see Herbert this way...so scared of something without even knowing why. He knows that sort of fear, knows what it is to want to curl up, to hide, to be so deeply scared that you can't even remember that you had a good reason to be.
He reaches out to carefully run his fingers through Herbert's hair, tucking a stray lock behind his ear.
"...I don't think it's silly at all, Engel. I think-"
He hesitates. He doesn't want to push, but....
"I think...that something...must have happened to you. A long time ago, so that you can't remember. And that can...that can really...tear a person up. I would know." He swallows hard, that restless hand landing on Herbert's shoulder. "You can be afraid. That's okay. Just - let me in, a little. Let it out, and let me in. Let me help shoulder the burden of...whatever this is. I want to do that for you, my moonlight. May I?"
Herbert starts to crumble at that. His posture slumping, his attempt at a brave face cracking at the seams. He sniffs and realizes there are tears starting to fall down his cheeks. He feels weak and he doesn't like it. Always wanting to be strong, especially for Alfred.
... the best thing to do with things that scare you is to remind them that you are much scarier than they are...
The words come unbidden to him and he flinches, turning towards Alfred and trying to hide against his chest. "I don't know what happened. I don't. Only that whenever there's a storm like this I feel -- god, I feel like a child again. Lost and so so afraid.
I tried to go to father about it, once. But he was -- it was like he was somewhere else. Like I couldn't reach him. So I left him alone."
There's not a moment of hesitation - the second Herbert is folding in against him, Alfred is wrapping him up tightly in his arms, petting his head, making soothing little sounds. He doesn't tremble, not now. It's his turn to be strong.
As Herbert explains, the boy frowns...Georg too, then. He's felt similar shadows around him, heard similar disjointed noises. It worries him.
"If you're all right with it," he slowly murmurs, keeping his tone gentle, "I can...try to read a little deeper. See what I can find, just to see if I can help.
And if I can't - if this makes you feel like an child, then we can be children about this. I will cover the canopy in blankets, and we will build a fort, and I will hold you. What do you think?"
"I -- I suppose, yes. I don't think you can make it worse, just by looking at it. I don't know how much you'll find, but..." Herbert sighs and rests his forehead against Alfred's. Like that might help, somehow. "I don't know how much you'll see. Even I don't know what's in there."
There is something. Footsteps. A faint, whistled tune. The ticking of a clock. Or perhaps it's another, similar noise. A soft, even tch. tch. tch. sort of noise. A flash of teeth (too many teeth) in the shadows, perhaps. But nothing solid, nothing to grasp onto or piece together. Broken images from a shattered memory.
Once their foreheads are pressed together, Alfred lets his eyes drift shut. Focus. He's gotten pretty good at this, but this is...this is something different. The pages are there but the binding is torn out, the spine destroyed. If he can just mend it....
"... it's - it's all scrambled up. Th-there are...sounds. I think - I think if I just-"
Mend it. Put it together. There's something in the shadows, silhouetted by lightning. Mend the pages.
"There's - a clicking - AGH-"
He gets close before letting out a little gasp, eyes snapping open as blood trickles from his right nostril.
Herbert opens his eyes too as Alfred gasps, reaching up to wipe the blood away. "Please -- don't push yourself too hard. It's buried deep, whatever it is. I don't want you to hurt yourself trying to get at it, my love. My stars.
Please." It's a soft request. One that's cracked around the edges as he reaches out to stroke Alfred's cheek. Whatever it is that's hurting him, he doesn't want it to hurt Alfred, too.
There is something...not quite right in Alfred's eyes, just for a moment. He wants to keep going, pulled toward - something. A shadow. A song. He almost seems like he can't see Herbert right in front of him -
But before he can fall deeper, something else intervenes. A steadying presence, a dapple of sunlight.
Too far, little lamb. Back to Herbert.
He shakes himself, wrapping his arms around his lover. "Sorry, I - no more. I won't. I'm okay. I'm okay."
He doesn't like that expression on Alfred's face. Far away, slightly slackjawed. Like whatever had gotten to Herbert had gotten to him, too.
"Alfred?" he says meekly, nervously. "Alfred my love?"
-- and then he's back and speaking to him again and Herbert throws his arms around Alfred tightly. "There you are. Don't let me lose you, too. I don't know what I'd do without you, my sun. Stay close to me tonight. Please, will you? I don't think I could stand being on my own."
Alfred clutches back as he's hugged - taking the moment where Herbert isn't looking into his face to let himself be frightened. What WAS that? It was like something had hidden a trap in his lover's mind. Why? How?
But now isn't the time for get stuck on that. He sniffles a little on the remaining blood, kissing lightly at the other vampire's neck before he pulls back.
"Of course, Engel. I'm not going to leave you, I promise. Now - let's get you feeling safe, okay?"
He couldn't possibly leave Herbert's side, not now...but a thought strikes him, and he throws his focus across the castle, trying to reach Sarah.
'Sorry to bother you, but - please go to Georg, if you aren't already. Herbert is acting very strangely, and I would bet his father is, too. Keep him grounded.'
Sarah had been trying to talk to Georg, who didn't seem to be paying attention at all. Just a nod or a tense smile here and there, with a flinch and a glance at the window whenever there was a crack of thunder. She had been getting ready to be upset with him, but Alfred's message -- she calms. Presses closer. Strokes his hair.
Herbert, meanwhile, is trembling as the storm grows closer. Gets louder with every thunderstrike. Digging his fingers into Alfred's back. The panic, the fear is coming off him in waves along with frustration. He doesn't know how to calm himself back down and he's usually so composed. So in control of himself. "I hate this," he sighs and curls up on the mattress, his head in Alfred's lap.
Seeing Herbert like this is so strange for Alfred - usually, if one of them is curled up in fear in a situation, it's himself. It's almost surreal, really, feeling the panic coming from his lover, seeing him clutch desperately to him like he's a lifeline.
He casts about for ideas, frowning faintly before planting a kiss on Herbert's forehead.
"Okay - let me do my backup plan. Sit up for just a moment, okay? And hold on. I will not leave the room. I promise."
And as soon as he can, he's leveraging a bit of that enhanced speed, zipping around the room as fast as he can to grab out extra blankets, throws, even longer coats to toss them up and over the posts of the balcony. Fortifying the drapery. Building a fort.
Once he is satisfied, he climbs through and shuts the way behind him, a lit lantern in hand to be hung just above.
"There. Okay. It's not a castle made of chairs and my mother's blankets, but - it's more comfortable, I think. We're safe in here."
He offers a soft smile, a little sheepish.
He had himself been a...frightened child, after all.
They have a fort. They have a blanket fort. Herbert helps by pulling in throw pillows to build up fortification inside the fort as well. He laughs a little and wraps the throw around his shoulders again, this time bringing Alfred in with him. Wrapping them both up in the blanket, half in Alfred's lap. Wanting -- needing to be close.
"We're safe. You make me safe. In our fort of blankets." He giggles a little, nervous and high pitched, nosing against Alfred's neck. "God, I love you."
Grinning as he's wrapped up, he let's Herbert get as close as he wants, embracing him under the blanket. Helping him feel secure. Safe.
Plus the canopy of blankets will help to dampen the sound of the thunder. It's only by degrees, but degrees matter so much with their hearing - the thunder really does sound scarier when you can hear the way it roars for miles.
"I love you too, Engel," he giggles back. "I would do anything to make you feel safe. Anything. But this is - well-
When I was a boy, and I would read a scary story, I would build a fort like this to hide in. I was alone, so I would talk to my imaginary friend until he told me the monsters were gone."
A beat as realization strikes him.
"Oh. Ah. Maybe he wasn't as imaginary as I thought."
"Solin," he whispers with realization, reaching out to stroke his fingers through Alfred's hair. He rests his head against Alfred's chest with a sigh.
"I'm happy. That he's been there to help you for so long. And now you're here to help me.
It's..." His brow furrows. "It's a scary story. I know it is. So scary I can't even think of it. Something bad happened, a long time ago. To me, to father. I don't remember what it was. I -- can't. It's like when I try, it's blocked. Like something won't let me."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
His bed has curtains that can be drawn. He can be under the covers. Hidden. Safe. "You don't have to -- don't let me stop your work. I'm fine. It's fine."
no subject
Alfred's brows knit together, and he shakes his head a little.
"...Well, then, I will come with you. I - I've never seen you like this before, Engel. I don't think I want to leave you alone, if it's all the same. My sketches can wait." Standing up, he holds out his hand for his lover to take. The older vampire's behavior is putting him to mind of a frightened cat; something tells him that reaching out for a sudden touch is...not going to help.
no subject
"But I -- " Another flash of lightning and Herbert falls into Alfred's arms, gripping the front of his shirt. "I wouldn't mind the company, I'll admit."
no subject
"Then we'll go to your room together.
It's okay, you know. If you aren't fine. You tell me the same thing all the time."
Stooping slightly, he simply scoops Herbert up, carrying him bridal-style towards the door so the vampire can keep curled against him, clung to him.
"I...I really have never seen you like this, Engel. Are...you afraid of thunder?"
no subject
"I don't like storms," he explains, his voice small, timid. So unlike anything Alfred has heard from him before.
no subject
He doesn't tell that to Herbert though. He hasn't seen this kind of fear in his love before, but...Alfred knows it too well. This sort of deep, searing anxiety.
Steady as anything, he walks down the hall, moving towards Herbert's room.
"This is - a surprise, though. It feels like so few things get to you this way. You don't - sound like yourself, right now."
no subject
He keeps his face against Alfred's face until they reach his room. Then he moves around the room to close curtains of his windows. Then he draws the drapes around his bed. Making it a safe space. A hidden space.
Herbert kicks off his shoes and crawls onto the bed, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around himself tightly.
no subject
Alfred gently sets Herbert down once they're in his room, fingers playing nervously together as he watches the curtains get drawn, the drapes get pulled. He's...a little worried, really. As much as Herbert is trying to dodge the matter, he really hasn't ever seen the man this type of scared. (There was the time when he almost didn't come back, glimpsed from outside his body, but...that was different, too.)
Sliding out of his own boots and shrugging out of his coat, the younger vampire slips through the drapes, moving up to sit right beside the other vampire. Tugging the covers down a bit, he slides under them from the waist down, a patient, quiet little stroke against his lover's arm following shortly after to try to get him to cuddle up.
"...Do you want to talk about it, Engel? You don't - have to, but...you're worrying me."
no subject
"If something growls at you, you growl back louder. But I can't. I have to stay quiet. That's the game." Herbert trails off, looking confused with himself. Not quite present.
"I'm sorry. It's been a while since I've seen a storm this bad. Quite... quite a long while."
no subject
There's something there - clicking softly around the edges of his senses - but he can't make sense of it. Restlessly, he pulls up one of the throw blankets, so that he can drape it over the blonde's shoulders.
"It's okay, Engel. I'm - I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." And then, softly, lightly -
"...What game do you mean?"
no subject
There's a shadow at the edges of his mind. A wolfish shape, something with too many teeth, and he shudders hard, tucking his chin against his knees at another rumble of thunder. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what's come over me. It's this damned storm. Shaken me up. Such a silly thing, to be scared of storms, I know."
no subject
He reaches out to carefully run his fingers through Herbert's hair, tucking a stray lock behind his ear.
"...I don't think it's silly at all, Engel. I think-"
He hesitates. He doesn't want to push, but....
"I think...that something...must have happened to you. A long time ago, so that you can't remember. And that can...that can really...tear a person up. I would know." He swallows hard, that restless hand landing on Herbert's shoulder. "You can be afraid. That's okay. Just - let me in, a little. Let it out, and let me in. Let me help shoulder the burden of...whatever this is. I want to do that for you, my moonlight. May I?"
no subject
... the best thing to do with things that scare you is to remind them that you are much scarier than they are...
The words come unbidden to him and he flinches, turning towards Alfred and trying to hide against his chest. "I don't know what happened. I don't. Only that whenever there's a storm like this I feel -- god, I feel like a child again. Lost and so so afraid.
I tried to go to father about it, once. But he was -- it was like he was somewhere else. Like I couldn't reach him. So I left him alone."
no subject
As Herbert explains, the boy frowns...Georg too, then. He's felt similar shadows around him, heard similar disjointed noises. It worries him.
"If you're all right with it," he slowly murmurs, keeping his tone gentle, "I can...try to read a little deeper. See what I can find, just to see if I can help.
And if I can't - if this makes you feel like an child, then we can be children about this. I will cover the canopy in blankets, and we will build a fort, and I will hold you. What do you think?"
no subject
There is something. Footsteps. A faint, whistled tune. The ticking of a clock. Or perhaps it's another, similar noise. A soft, even tch. tch. tch. sort of noise. A flash of teeth (too many teeth) in the shadows, perhaps. But nothing solid, nothing to grasp onto or piece together. Broken images from a shattered memory.
no subject
Once their foreheads are pressed together, Alfred lets his eyes drift shut. Focus. He's gotten pretty good at this, but this is...this is something different. The pages are there but the binding is torn out, the spine destroyed. If he can just mend it....
"... it's - it's all scrambled up. Th-there are...sounds. I think - I think if I just-"
Mend it. Put it together. There's something in the shadows, silhouetted by lightning. Mend the pages.
"There's - a clicking - AGH-"
He gets close before letting out a little gasp, eyes snapping open as blood trickles from his right nostril.
no subject
Please." It's a soft request. One that's cracked around the edges as he reaches out to stroke Alfred's cheek. Whatever it is that's hurting him, he doesn't want it to hurt Alfred, too.
no subject
But before he can fall deeper, something else intervenes. A steadying presence, a dapple of sunlight.
Too far, little lamb. Back to Herbert.
He shakes himself, wrapping his arms around his lover. "Sorry, I - no more. I won't. I'm okay. I'm okay."
no subject
"Alfred?" he says meekly, nervously. "Alfred my love?"
-- and then he's back and speaking to him again and Herbert throws his arms around Alfred tightly. "There you are. Don't let me lose you, too. I don't know what I'd do without you, my sun. Stay close to me tonight. Please, will you? I don't think I could stand being on my own."
no subject
But now isn't the time for get stuck on that. He sniffles a little on the remaining blood, kissing lightly at the other vampire's neck before he pulls back.
"Of course, Engel. I'm not going to leave you, I promise. Now - let's get you feeling safe, okay?"
He couldn't possibly leave Herbert's side, not now...but a thought strikes him, and he throws his focus across the castle, trying to reach Sarah.
'Sorry to bother you, but - please go to Georg, if you aren't already. Herbert is acting very strangely, and I would bet his father is, too. Keep him grounded.'
no subject
Herbert, meanwhile, is trembling as the storm grows closer. Gets louder with every thunderstrike. Digging his fingers into Alfred's back. The panic, the fear is coming off him in waves along with frustration. He doesn't know how to calm himself back down and he's usually so composed. So in control of himself. "I hate this," he sighs and curls up on the mattress, his head in Alfred's lap.
no subject
He casts about for ideas, frowning faintly before planting a kiss on Herbert's forehead.
"Okay - let me do my backup plan. Sit up for just a moment, okay? And hold on. I will not leave the room. I promise."
And as soon as he can, he's leveraging a bit of that enhanced speed, zipping around the room as fast as he can to grab out extra blankets, throws, even longer coats to toss them up and over the posts of the balcony. Fortifying the drapery. Building a fort.
Once he is satisfied, he climbs through and shuts the way behind him, a lit lantern in hand to be hung just above.
"There. Okay. It's not a castle made of chairs and my mother's blankets, but - it's more comfortable, I think. We're safe in here."
He offers a soft smile, a little sheepish.
He had himself been a...frightened child, after all.
no subject
"We're safe. You make me safe. In our fort of blankets." He giggles a little, nervous and high pitched, nosing against Alfred's neck. "God, I love you."
no subject
Plus the canopy of blankets will help to dampen the sound of the thunder. It's only by degrees, but degrees matter so much with their hearing - the thunder really does sound scarier when you can hear the way it roars for miles.
"I love you too, Engel," he giggles back. "I would do anything to make you feel safe. Anything. But this is - well-
When I was a boy, and I would read a scary story, I would build a fort like this to hide in. I was alone, so I would talk to my imaginary friend until he told me the monsters were gone."
A beat as realization strikes him.
"Oh. Ah. Maybe he wasn't as imaginary as I thought."
no subject
"I'm happy. That he's been there to help you for so long. And now you're here to help me.
It's..." His brow furrows. "It's a scary story. I know it is. So scary I can't even think of it. Something bad happened, a long time ago. To me, to father. I don't remember what it was. I -- can't. It's like when I try, it's blocked. Like something won't let me."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)