Sarah had been trying to talk to Georg, who didn't seem to be paying attention at all. Just a nod or a tense smile here and there, with a flinch and a glance at the window whenever there was a crack of thunder. She had been getting ready to be upset with him, but Alfred's message -- she calms. Presses closer. Strokes his hair.
Herbert, meanwhile, is trembling as the storm grows closer. Gets louder with every thunderstrike. Digging his fingers into Alfred's back. The panic, the fear is coming off him in waves along with frustration. He doesn't know how to calm himself back down and he's usually so composed. So in control of himself. "I hate this," he sighs and curls up on the mattress, his head in Alfred's lap.
Seeing Herbert like this is so strange for Alfred - usually, if one of them is curled up in fear in a situation, it's himself. It's almost surreal, really, feeling the panic coming from his lover, seeing him clutch desperately to him like he's a lifeline.
He casts about for ideas, frowning faintly before planting a kiss on Herbert's forehead.
"Okay - let me do my backup plan. Sit up for just a moment, okay? And hold on. I will not leave the room. I promise."
And as soon as he can, he's leveraging a bit of that enhanced speed, zipping around the room as fast as he can to grab out extra blankets, throws, even longer coats to toss them up and over the posts of the balcony. Fortifying the drapery. Building a fort.
Once he is satisfied, he climbs through and shuts the way behind him, a lit lantern in hand to be hung just above.
"There. Okay. It's not a castle made of chairs and my mother's blankets, but - it's more comfortable, I think. We're safe in here."
He offers a soft smile, a little sheepish.
He had himself been a...frightened child, after all.
They have a fort. They have a blanket fort. Herbert helps by pulling in throw pillows to build up fortification inside the fort as well. He laughs a little and wraps the throw around his shoulders again, this time bringing Alfred in with him. Wrapping them both up in the blanket, half in Alfred's lap. Wanting -- needing to be close.
"We're safe. You make me safe. In our fort of blankets." He giggles a little, nervous and high pitched, nosing against Alfred's neck. "God, I love you."
Grinning as he's wrapped up, he let's Herbert get as close as he wants, embracing him under the blanket. Helping him feel secure. Safe.
Plus the canopy of blankets will help to dampen the sound of the thunder. It's only by degrees, but degrees matter so much with their hearing - the thunder really does sound scarier when you can hear the way it roars for miles.
"I love you too, Engel," he giggles back. "I would do anything to make you feel safe. Anything. But this is - well-
When I was a boy, and I would read a scary story, I would build a fort like this to hide in. I was alone, so I would talk to my imaginary friend until he told me the monsters were gone."
A beat as realization strikes him.
"Oh. Ah. Maybe he wasn't as imaginary as I thought."
"Solin," he whispers with realization, reaching out to stroke his fingers through Alfred's hair. He rests his head against Alfred's chest with a sigh.
"I'm happy. That he's been there to help you for so long. And now you're here to help me.
It's..." His brow furrows. "It's a scary story. I know it is. So scary I can't even think of it. Something bad happened, a long time ago. To me, to father. I don't remember what it was. I -- can't. It's like when I try, it's blocked. Like something won't let me."
"I think so. I think he might have pulled me back just a minute ago, too, when...." He trails off a little, not wanting to complete that thought and scare Herbert worse.
As his lover explains, Alfred rubs at his shoulders, pets his head, softly and gently reassuring.
"There is - definitely something there. And whatever happened, it must have been big. I could get images, sounds, but - it was all shuffled up, fuzzy.
It was terrible, whatever it was. I think... something hurt you. And I don't like that."
A bit of possessiveness creeps into his voice, and his arms tighten. "I don't like it at all. And if it ever comes back, it will be very sorry that it did."
His hair is probably mussed beyond belief but he can't bring himself to care much at all about it. Not so long as Alfred's fingers are in his hair, at his back. Stroking and soothing and doing their best to calm his shaking.
"I trust you to protect me, my knight. You even built me this castle, didn't you? To protect your prince. What a good, brave night you are."
The messy hair doesn't matter to Alfred - it's backseat to making sure his lover is okay, and he can always brush it after the storm. Help him calm all the way back down.
For now, he just finger-combs it as he goes, a gentle, repetitive, soothing little motion.
"I try to be. I want to be, for you, my moonlight. You need me right now, and you're strong for me so often...I can be strong for you. Be your light, when those shadows turn into demons." A soft kiss against Herbert's forehead - patient and soft as anything.
"I sent a - message. To Sarah. To look after your father, too."
Herbert makes a bit of a face at that. "I'm -- certain she'll do her best. You know how he gets." While Herbert wears all his emotions on his sleeve, Georg keeps them close to the chest. Tucked away safely, where they can't be reached. Like he'd rather be stone than admit he has feelings.
"But I do. I need you, my sun and starts and you are helping me more than you know. I know I still seem like a mess right now but I -- I do feel better. Than before."
"I...I know. But maybe she'll be fiery enough to shake him." Honestly, if he had to comfort either of them in this situation...at least Herbert is a little easier to get through to. He's plainly afraid. Alfred knows how to deal with afraid.
"I can tell - that you're doing better. Panic is...it's unfair. If the storm gets louder, I don't want you to be ashamed to feel what you're feeling. We will get through it together. It will end. And I will be here for every moment."
"I love you," Herbert sighs. There are so many times when he tells Alfred similar things. That it's fine to feel what he feels. That every emotion is valid, and warranted. But he sometimes forgets that, himself, in all his bravado.
"I'm just -- sorry you had to see me like this. That's all."
"I love you too, Engel. And that is why I am happy to be here for you."
He shakes his head a little at the apology, his smile sweet and gentle. "No, it's all right. It's a part of you. And I love every part of you - even the bits that you think aren't pretty or strong. That's what love is, after all, I think."
The storm booms louder overhead - it's nearly upon them now, keeping its leisurely pace as it passes by. Alfred holds tightly to Herbert, paying close attention to his every move and expression. Ready to be anything he needs.
His attempt at a brave smile falls and crumbles and he pulls Alfred tighter against him. It isn't pretty, or strong. The tears in his eyes. The way his entire body seems to vibrate with the anxiety that pours off him in waves. And under that, fear. Of what, he doesn't know and that only makes it worse.
"I wish I could tell you what I was so afraid of."
It isn't. It's childlike, and vulnerable, and...it only endears Alfred to his lover all the more, to see the walls down like this. He wraps his whole body around Herbert's, twining him up in arms and legs, holding him tightly.
"You definitely have a reason," he reassures. "I don't think it's the storm itself, I think - I think something happened to you during one. One of the things I could see was lightning, and - hear thunder. Thunder, and other sounds, too. Strange ones.
But whatever it was, it isn't here right now. Just us. It's just us here."
"You really are my hero, aren't you?" Herbert sighs, letting Alfred wrap around him. He still vibrates with anxiety, still feels about to jump out of his skin, but Alfred is there, at least. In their little castle of a bed.
"My knight in shining armor. You keep saving me over and over again."
"Then we'll keep saving each other. Whenever one needs saving, the other one will be there. By each other's sides, always." He sighs at the fingers in this hair and reaches up to return the favour, enjoying the closeness.
"You're so patient with me and my moods, my love."
"I think...I like that. I like the - balance, I think. It's like a circle, the way we just keep going around and around. And it doesn't ever have to end."
He nuzzles into Herbert's touch, purring a little - pulling in closer and closer, letting their bodies tangle together as if his lover can take on his calm about the storm.
There's not an inch of space between them, they way they're tangled together. Barely able to tell where one of them ends and the other begins. The purring makes Herbert's petting turn into gentle scratches, all across Alfred's scalp and down the back of his neck before starting the path over again.
"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
Normally he'd make a joke about Alfred's big presence, but he's honestly quite touched by the statement. His expression softens and he brushes their lips together delicately.
"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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Herbert, meanwhile, is trembling as the storm grows closer. Gets louder with every thunderstrike. Digging his fingers into Alfred's back. The panic, the fear is coming off him in waves along with frustration. He doesn't know how to calm himself back down and he's usually so composed. So in control of himself. "I hate this," he sighs and curls up on the mattress, his head in Alfred's lap.
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He casts about for ideas, frowning faintly before planting a kiss on Herbert's forehead.
"Okay - let me do my backup plan. Sit up for just a moment, okay? And hold on. I will not leave the room. I promise."
And as soon as he can, he's leveraging a bit of that enhanced speed, zipping around the room as fast as he can to grab out extra blankets, throws, even longer coats to toss them up and over the posts of the balcony. Fortifying the drapery. Building a fort.
Once he is satisfied, he climbs through and shuts the way behind him, a lit lantern in hand to be hung just above.
"There. Okay. It's not a castle made of chairs and my mother's blankets, but - it's more comfortable, I think. We're safe in here."
He offers a soft smile, a little sheepish.
He had himself been a...frightened child, after all.
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"We're safe. You make me safe. In our fort of blankets." He giggles a little, nervous and high pitched, nosing against Alfred's neck. "God, I love you."
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Plus the canopy of blankets will help to dampen the sound of the thunder. It's only by degrees, but degrees matter so much with their hearing - the thunder really does sound scarier when you can hear the way it roars for miles.
"I love you too, Engel," he giggles back. "I would do anything to make you feel safe. Anything. But this is - well-
When I was a boy, and I would read a scary story, I would build a fort like this to hide in. I was alone, so I would talk to my imaginary friend until he told me the monsters were gone."
A beat as realization strikes him.
"Oh. Ah. Maybe he wasn't as imaginary as I thought."
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"I'm happy. That he's been there to help you for so long. And now you're here to help me.
It's..." His brow furrows. "It's a scary story. I know it is. So scary I can't even think of it. Something bad happened, a long time ago. To me, to father. I don't remember what it was. I -- can't. It's like when I try, it's blocked. Like something won't let me."
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As his lover explains, Alfred rubs at his shoulders, pets his head, softly and gently reassuring.
"There is - definitely something there. And whatever happened, it must have been big. I could get images, sounds, but - it was all shuffled up, fuzzy.
It was terrible, whatever it was. I think... something hurt you. And I don't like that."
A bit of possessiveness creeps into his voice, and his arms tighten. "I don't like it at all. And if it ever comes back, it will be very sorry that it did."
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"I trust you to protect me, my knight. You even built me this castle, didn't you? To protect your prince. What a good, brave night you are."
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For now, he just finger-combs it as he goes, a gentle, repetitive, soothing little motion.
"I try to be. I want to be, for you, my moonlight. You need me right now, and you're strong for me so often...I can be strong for you. Be your light, when those shadows turn into demons." A soft kiss against Herbert's forehead - patient and soft as anything.
"I sent a - message. To Sarah. To look after your father, too."
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"But I do. I need you, my sun and starts and you are helping me more than you know. I know I still seem like a mess right now but I -- I do feel better. Than before."
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"I can tell - that you're doing better. Panic is...it's unfair. If the storm gets louder, I don't want you to be ashamed to feel what you're feeling. We will get through it together. It will end. And I will be here for every moment."
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"I'm just -- sorry you had to see me like this. That's all."
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He shakes his head a little at the apology, his smile sweet and gentle. "No, it's all right. It's a part of you. And I love every part of you - even the bits that you think aren't pretty or strong. That's what love is, after all, I think."
The storm booms louder overhead - it's nearly upon them now, keeping its leisurely pace as it passes by. Alfred holds tightly to Herbert, paying close attention to his every move and expression. Ready to be anything he needs.
But HAPPY to be anything he needs.
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"I wish I could tell you what I was so afraid of."
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"You definitely have a reason," he reassures. "I don't think it's the storm itself, I think - I think something happened to you during one. One of the things I could see was lightning, and - hear thunder. Thunder, and other sounds, too. Strange ones.
But whatever it was, it isn't here right now. Just us. It's just us here."
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"My knight in shining armor. You keep saving me over and over again."
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He strokes Herbert's hair, presses his cheek to his lover's shoulder.
"And I will, forever, Engel. YOU saved ME, after all."
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"You're so patient with me and my moods, my love."
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He nuzzles into Herbert's touch, purring a little - pulling in closer and closer, letting their bodies tangle together as if his lover can take on his calm about the storm.
"Of course I am, Herbert. Why wouldn't I be?"
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"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
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He shudders a little under the scratches - the situation is...not one where he has his Usual Reaction to the sensation, but still it makes him squirm.
"Engel, I don't think you're too much at all. I love how you are, how - big your presence is. How you light up a room.
I would gladly handle a few moods to get to be around you while you shine, Herbert."
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"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
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Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
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I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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Gently, he places a kiss on his lover's cheek.
"I know now, yes. There's nothing at all wrong with us. I love you. That's just fact."
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There's a low rumble of thunder and Herbert tries to pull Alfred even closer. "Do you think it's moving away again?"