"I...I know. But maybe she'll be fiery enough to shake him." Honestly, if he had to comfort either of them in this situation...at least Herbert is a little easier to get through to. He's plainly afraid. Alfred knows how to deal with afraid.
"I can tell - that you're doing better. Panic is...it's unfair. If the storm gets louder, I don't want you to be ashamed to feel what you're feeling. We will get through it together. It will end. And I will be here for every moment."
"I love you," Herbert sighs. There are so many times when he tells Alfred similar things. That it's fine to feel what he feels. That every emotion is valid, and warranted. But he sometimes forgets that, himself, in all his bravado.
"I'm just -- sorry you had to see me like this. That's all."
"I love you too, Engel. And that is why I am happy to be here for you."
He shakes his head a little at the apology, his smile sweet and gentle. "No, it's all right. It's a part of you. And I love every part of you - even the bits that you think aren't pretty or strong. That's what love is, after all, I think."
The storm booms louder overhead - it's nearly upon them now, keeping its leisurely pace as it passes by. Alfred holds tightly to Herbert, paying close attention to his every move and expression. Ready to be anything he needs.
His attempt at a brave smile falls and crumbles and he pulls Alfred tighter against him. It isn't pretty, or strong. The tears in his eyes. The way his entire body seems to vibrate with the anxiety that pours off him in waves. And under that, fear. Of what, he doesn't know and that only makes it worse.
"I wish I could tell you what I was so afraid of."
It isn't. It's childlike, and vulnerable, and...it only endears Alfred to his lover all the more, to see the walls down like this. He wraps his whole body around Herbert's, twining him up in arms and legs, holding him tightly.
"You definitely have a reason," he reassures. "I don't think it's the storm itself, I think - I think something happened to you during one. One of the things I could see was lightning, and - hear thunder. Thunder, and other sounds, too. Strange ones.
But whatever it was, it isn't here right now. Just us. It's just us here."
"You really are my hero, aren't you?" Herbert sighs, letting Alfred wrap around him. He still vibrates with anxiety, still feels about to jump out of his skin, but Alfred is there, at least. In their little castle of a bed.
"My knight in shining armor. You keep saving me over and over again."
"Then we'll keep saving each other. Whenever one needs saving, the other one will be there. By each other's sides, always." He sighs at the fingers in this hair and reaches up to return the favour, enjoying the closeness.
"You're so patient with me and my moods, my love."
"I think...I like that. I like the - balance, I think. It's like a circle, the way we just keep going around and around. And it doesn't ever have to end."
He nuzzles into Herbert's touch, purring a little - pulling in closer and closer, letting their bodies tangle together as if his lover can take on his calm about the storm.
There's not an inch of space between them, they way they're tangled together. Barely able to tell where one of them ends and the other begins. The purring makes Herbert's petting turn into gentle scratches, all across Alfred's scalp and down the back of his neck before starting the path over again.
"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
Normally he'd make a joke about Alfred's big presence, but he's honestly quite touched by the statement. His expression softens and he brushes their lips together delicately.
"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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"I can tell - that you're doing better. Panic is...it's unfair. If the storm gets louder, I don't want you to be ashamed to feel what you're feeling. We will get through it together. It will end. And I will be here for every moment."
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"I'm just -- sorry you had to see me like this. That's all."
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He shakes his head a little at the apology, his smile sweet and gentle. "No, it's all right. It's a part of you. And I love every part of you - even the bits that you think aren't pretty or strong. That's what love is, after all, I think."
The storm booms louder overhead - it's nearly upon them now, keeping its leisurely pace as it passes by. Alfred holds tightly to Herbert, paying close attention to his every move and expression. Ready to be anything he needs.
But HAPPY to be anything he needs.
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"I wish I could tell you what I was so afraid of."
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"You definitely have a reason," he reassures. "I don't think it's the storm itself, I think - I think something happened to you during one. One of the things I could see was lightning, and - hear thunder. Thunder, and other sounds, too. Strange ones.
But whatever it was, it isn't here right now. Just us. It's just us here."
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"My knight in shining armor. You keep saving me over and over again."
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He strokes Herbert's hair, presses his cheek to his lover's shoulder.
"And I will, forever, Engel. YOU saved ME, after all."
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"You're so patient with me and my moods, my love."
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He nuzzles into Herbert's touch, purring a little - pulling in closer and closer, letting their bodies tangle together as if his lover can take on his calm about the storm.
"Of course I am, Herbert. Why wouldn't I be?"
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"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
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He shudders a little under the scratches - the situation is...not one where he has his Usual Reaction to the sensation, but still it makes him squirm.
"Engel, I don't think you're too much at all. I love how you are, how - big your presence is. How you light up a room.
I would gladly handle a few moods to get to be around you while you shine, Herbert."
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"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
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Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
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I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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Gently, he places a kiss on his lover's cheek.
"I know now, yes. There's nothing at all wrong with us. I love you. That's just fact."
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There's a low rumble of thunder and Herbert tries to pull Alfred even closer. "Do you think it's moving away again?"