There's not an inch of space between them, they way they're tangled together. Barely able to tell where one of them ends and the other begins. The purring makes Herbert's petting turn into gentle scratches, all across Alfred's scalp and down the back of his neck before starting the path over again.
"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
Normally he'd make a joke about Alfred's big presence, but he's honestly quite touched by the statement. His expression softens and he brushes their lips together delicately.
"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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"Well I know I can be... capricious at times. Overwhelming at others. Some might say I'm too much."
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He shudders a little under the scratches - the situation is...not one where he has his Usual Reaction to the sensation, but still it makes him squirm.
"Engel, I don't think you're too much at all. I love how you are, how - big your presence is. How you light up a room.
I would gladly handle a few moods to get to be around you while you shine, Herbert."
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"Then I won't hold back, around you. I was worried, when we first met. How much of a presence I had. That that's what scared you off. Though now I realize it was likely my trying to bite you."
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Alfred pauses a moment, realizing they haven't truly discussed this for what it really was. "...Herbert, I wasn't scared off by you. I was scared of...of what I felt. At the time, I...I still didn't realize that it was all right, being attracted to another man. I still thought there was something wrong with me."
Gently, he fingercombs Herbert's hair as he speaks.
"I don't want you to hold back. I never did. I - was afraid, but not...not for the reasons I think you thought I was."
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I suppose I never realized how lucky I was. Growing up with people who understood me, who encouraged me. Having the privilege to be and love who I wanted.
But you know that now, yes? That there's nothing wrong with this. With us."
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Gently, he places a kiss on his lover's cheek.
"I know now, yes. There's nothing at all wrong with us. I love you. That's just fact."
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There's a low rumble of thunder and Herbert tries to pull Alfred even closer. "Do you think it's moving away again?"