Closed RP Spot for loveinsideme/nachtvogel [NSFW WITHIN]

[heyhohey]

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[loveinsideme]

Herbert presses his cheek against Alfred's palm, letting himself be comforted. It feels a little selfish, but he needs it, right now.

"I do. I do need you. And I will, always. I'm going to take care of you, Alfred. Until you're well again, I'll take care of you."

He could ask his father to do it. He could avoid forcing himself to face such dark memories. But he needs to be brave. For Alfred, he can be brave.

[heyhohey]

Alfred wouldn't care if Herbert were being selfish. He would give all he has to give just the same, without question, because... that's just who he is.

Besides, it's nice to be needed, and that's a little selfish too.

"Thank you, Engel. I love you." He wicks away another tear, smiling a sad, lopsided little smile. Now that he's fed a little, he feels a bit better...but still frail, that burn in his chest making him feel like he should rest again.

But not yet, not yet, something else in him urges.

"...C-can I...will you get the brush, so I can brush out your hair? I can tell you haven't yet tonight, and...." He lets the statement drop, but the meaning is clear - he's seeking normalcy. Alfred likes the quiet ritual of helping Herbert see to his hair, the gentle intimacy of the action.

[loveinsideme]

He debates for a moment, then reaches up to start undoing the ropes around Alfred's wrists. "Oh -- forget what father says. I trust you. You're not going to hurt me, now.

I'd love for you to brush my hair. I must look a little wild right now, I know. But first promise me to finish this bowl, all right?" Once Alfred is untied, he hands over the bowl and spoon.

It will feel nice, having Alfred brush his hair. It will help calm them both, help them feel better about tonight. Settle them in to get ready to sleep in a few hours.

[heyhohey]

"No - no, I would never."

The moment his wrists are untied, Alfred groans with relief, rubbing at them as he watches Herbert speak. Obediently, he takes the bowl and spoon - he's still hungry, after all, even now that he's calmed.

"Of course, Engel," he agrees, setting immediately to sipping at the blood - politely. Eating too fast in his state seems like a bad idea.

Something is still bothering him, but he can't put his finger on it - and honestly, he just wants to lift the mood, now. As soon as he finishes with the bowl, he sets it aside, focusing up and retracting his fangs (with some difficulty) to prove he's got his control back.

Maybe proving it to himself as much as to anyone else.

[loveinsideme]

"Good boy," Herbert coos and kisses Alfred's cheek. "We'll have you back to normal in no time. Now you don't move a muscle. I'll bring everything over here to you."

And he does, moving over to the vanity where he's started keeping some of his things. A bottle of perfume, a brush, a small ornate box filled with ribbons and hairpins. He brings the brush and the box over to the bed, sitting crosslegged in front of Alfred.

"Do with me as you please."

[heyhohey]

The kiss is returned with a little smile, sleepy and placid. He's glad to make Herbert happy - glad that, maybe, they can put the worst of the night behind them.

When his lover sits down, Alfred immediately sets to work, taking up the brush and gently, calmly running it through his long blonde locks, softly working out tangles with his fingers.

"First you tie me to the headboard, then you tell me to do what I want with you. Mixed messages, Engel."

A joke, spoken lightly. His voice is...a little bit strained, but at least there is joy in it.

[loveinsideme]

"Oh now we're making jokes!" Herbert laughs, holding still so Alfred can detangle his hair. Hours of running his fingers through it nervously have left it a bit of a mess.

"All good things in time, I promise you."

[heyhohey]

There's a little giggle at that - he's glad the joke got a laugh. It's relatively recent that he's gotten comfortable enough with his own sexuality to start saying things like that out loud.

"Well, I'm sure those good things will be worth the wait." Once the tangles are suitably worked through, Alfred sets the brush down...then, automatically, he reaches out and starts to section the hair.

He's braided Herbert's hair before, but a French braid is about as elaborate as he has managed - but impulse makes him do things a little differently this time.

There's that burning in his chest again. He tries to ignore it.

[loveinsideme]

"And they will wait, until you're better."

He settles in and gets comfortable as Alfred brushes his hair, humming happily at the feeling of the brush and Alfred's fingers carefully picking through the knots in his hair.

He'd been expecting a French braid, perhaps. But Alfred's parting his hair in a new and different way, and Herbert's brow furrows in confusion. "What are you doing back there, cheri?"

[heyhohey]

"Of course. We...we have lots of time, after all."

Alfred always takes on a different tone of voice when he's Doing Something - a soft, meditative tone, gentle and calm. This really does relax him, doting on Herbert in little ways like this, winding his long, silky hair around his fingers.

He passes strands this way and that - the pattern is new, but his hands seem to know it.

"Just trying something different," he murmurs with a smile. "I wanted to...to focus a little harder on you, Engel, so I'm doing something tricky."

[loveinsideme]

"Well I'd love to see it, when you're done." Alfred's tone goes a long way towards relaxing him, as well. Hearing him sound contented and pleased, not in pain. It gives him hope that Alfred will heal and get better.

[heyhohey]

"It's pretty, so far, I think. I hope you like it."

There is serenity in this moment - something sorely needed - but there is... something else, too. A sense of deja vu, of nostalgia.

Strange.

[loveinsideme]

"I'm absolutely certain that I will." He reaches back to pat Alfred's knee. He keeps his back straight so that Alfred could properly finish his hair. It's nice, to have a moment like this after such a trying experience. Just a chance to spend some time with Alfred quietly.

[heyhohey]

Alfred smiles, warm and gentle, enjoying the touch. On impulse, he leans forward a moment, resting a soft little kiss on the nape of Herbert's neck. "I love you, Engel." Said for no reason...now that he's gotten used to vocalizing it, he does it often - out loud, in psychic messages, in notes. It's become second nature.

Pulling back, he ties off the end of the braid, admiring his handiwork.

"There. I'm - I'm not really sure how I did it, but I think it looks good."

[loveinsideme]

Herbert carefully pulls the braid over his shoulder to look at it -- and if his heart were beating it would have stopped in his chest. It's the same braid Solin was constantly making in his hair.

The birthmark, the braid. Alfred calling him my dear. The overwhelming feeling of familiarity and comfort he feels around Alfred. It can't be.

Could it?

"Did you -- Alfred, this looks lovely," he says first, his voice slightly choked. "Did you tell me once, that you had dreams of being in this castle before?"

[heyhohey]

Oh - that needle of shock is strong enough to make Alfred's eyes widen a little, his brows furrowing at Herbert's reaction. He looks...confused, exhausted.

"I...I'm glad you like it," he stammers, concern plain on his face. "And...yes, I - I think? It's always felt a little familiar."

The strain in his lover's voice makes him worry - his hand moves to cup his cheek.

"Is something wrong, Herbert?"

[loveinsideme]

"It's just -- " His lower lip trembles and he tries to compose himself. "I was with a boy, when I was young. Before I was turned. He called me my dear, and would braid my hair like this. He had a birthmark like a star. And -- "

A few tears leak out of the corner of his eyes and roll slowly down his cheek and he rests his hand on top of Alfred's. His hands are shaking. His whole body feels like it's shaking, in fact. "You're gentle, like he was. And so, so sweet. You remind me so much of him."

[heyhohey]

Alfred isn't sure he's ever seen Herbert like this before - he looks just shy of shattering like glass, like some delicate thing under his touch. "Engel," he breathes, his tone sounding a little strained. He can feel his energy running out, but - he needs to be strong right now. Herbert needs him.

So he listens, pursing his lips and knitting his brow tighter at the explanation. There is...something - something in him stirring, pushing, echoing through his heart.

And with what Herbert is saying....

"...W-wait, are you...trying to say that...I'm...?"

[loveinsideme]

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say." He takes Alfred's hand and kisses the back of it, then his palm, with a nervous energy he can't quite shake.

"Simply that there are so many things you do that remind me of him. To many things to ignore any longer. I've been trying my hardest not to compare the two of you, but this -- We'd sit together at the tree where we met, at dusk. And he'd braid my hair just like this for me.

It took my by surprise, that's all. A silly notion, nothing more," he says, trying to smile. Trying to dismiss this nagging feeling that somehow Alfred is Solin.

[heyhohey]

"A...tree...."

Something about that- in particular, makes Alfred pause - his eyes flick away as he seems to be trying to recall something. Wasn't there a tree he had paused at on the way into the town? He could swear he asked to stop a moment there, to sit, to catch his breath before he had been ushered away by the Professor.

But...he lets it go. Herbert is clearly upset, and all he really wants is to comfort him. Reaching up, he wipes at his tears with his thumbs, putting a sad little smile on himself.

"...If he was important to you, then...I'm...I'm flattered, to hear that I remind you of him. I don't think it's silly at all." My dear, he feels the urge to add, but he tamps it down, wobbling a little where he sits.

"S-sorry, Engel, I'm - I'm very tired...."

And his chest still burns, worse than before - but he dares not mention that now. Herbert is rattled enough.

[loveinsideme]

"Yes, yes of course." There's a tugging at his chest when he sees Alfred wobble like that. He grips Alfred's shoulders, a little too tight. A little too desperately. "Let's get you down into the crypt, and we'll rest. It's getting close to dawn, anyway."

He's smiling through his tears and he dabs at his eyes a little with his sleeve. "I love you, Alfred. I love you for everything you are. I want you to know that."

[heyhohey]

The tightness doesn't go unnoticed - he feels the anxiety from his lover, the needles of panic. He wishes he could look stronger, be less feeble...knowing that his current state is making Herbert so upset bothers him, but he can't help it.

Pulling the blonde in close, he kisses the tracks of his tears.

"I know, Herbert. I love you, too. And...." Oh, he's - he's really dizzy. He leans in, shutting his eyes to try and stabilize himself. Sleep tugs relentlessly at him, and his voice gets a little faint.

"It's okay...if you think of him sometimes. I...I don't mind...."

Whoops. Maybe he couldn't have shut his eyes. He can feel himself starting to drift.

"Mm...might need...you to carry me...t-tired...."

[loveinsideme]

Even though the statement is made tired, on the verge of falling asleep, it's appreciated very much.

He strokes Alfred's cheek and kisses him softly. "I can carry you, my love."

And he stands, lifting Alfred into his arms and cradling him against his chest. Carefully, he carries him down to the crypt, nestling him in the coffin amongst the blankets and pillows. Then he curls up beside him, arms around his waist, head against his chest. Not clinging, not exactly, but certainly holding him close.

[heyhohey]

"Thank you...."

He can't quite open his eyes as he's carried - but he manages to hold off sleep until he's being placed into the coffin, humming a soft little sound of acknowledgment that they made it down. Tilting his head, he places a blind kiss against his lover's forehead, clutching lightly to him.

"...Good morning...dear...."

And then he falls into slumber, swallowed by his dreams. They seem to be troubled, whatever they are, leaving him making tiny, fretting sounds.

Not long later...in his sleep...

He coughs.

[loveinsideme]

Herbert fights off the need to sleep, needing to feel Alfred whole and real in his arms. To watch over him.

The whimpering is concerning, but it's the cough that makes the decision for him and he brushes his fingers against Alfred's temple, quietly entering his dreams to see what's causing his distress.