"... why," he says slowly. "Would I think that you were just being stupid?" He's doing his best not to be upset, not to get angry. Because Alfred doesn't need that right now. Because Alfred needs comfort, and reassurance, and not Herbert gnashing his teeth at invisible enemies.
Maybe if he were just a little bit less upset, he would realize that it's not the time to be letting Herbert in on some of the skeletons in his proverbial closet.
But he's still so shaken, he thinks nothing of admitting:
"...It wouldn't be the first time I was told so. The Professor, my Father, my classmates...they all...thought I was...terribly stupid. B-because I couldn't...I couldn't find...the right words, sometimes...."
Herbert hisses and holds Alfred that much closer, that much more tightly. "You're not stupid in the least. They're the idiots for not seeing your brilliance."
His voice has dropped into a low growl and he clutches at Alfred, one hand buried in his hair, nose against his neck. "You're so clever, Alfred. So much smarter than they could ever hope to be."
In his panic, the hiss almost makes him jump a little - but it's for him, it's for his sake. The grip around him tightens and he leans into it, desperate for the comfort being offered, the security.
He had really never...had anyone in his life like Herbert, before. Anyone to dispute the years and years of degradation, name-calling, gaslighting.
So he just clings back to the hissing, growling vampire, holding tight to him like a frightened child.
"Of course you are," he says, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world. As though it doesn't even need to be said. "You're so bright, so clever. You can do so much and you shine so brightly. I -- " he huffs and shoves his face against Alfred's neck.
"It just makes me so angry, to think that there have been people who have convinced you otherwise."
Herbert is ANGRY, angry enough that Alfred could almost swear he can feel it somehow - but not angry at him. It's almost like he's being angry FOR Alfred, to make up for all those times when he couldn't be, when he buried it or let it melt down into demure sadness.
"...Thank you," he whimpers, muffled against the older vampire. "You're - you're the first. To say that. It...helps me feel...not so...lost."
It takes him a long moment before he speaks, and when he does it's slow. Measured. Clearly trying to fight back a lot of emotion.
"Whenever you feel lost, I will help you find yourself again. And whenever you feel forgotten, or alone, I will remind you how real you are to me. Because you are one of the single best things to happen to me, Alfred. And I will hunt down anyone whoever dares to make you feel like you might disappear."
The conviction in all these words, the way he's being held... it's soothing, it's grounding, but it's also...new. So new, in a life like his.
Tilting his head just enough to look up at Herbert, eyes and cheeks damp and pale, he sniffles...looking grateful, looking like he believes every bit, even though the only word he can find is:
"...Why? Why would - why would you do that for me?"
It isn't that he can't believe Herbert, because he does.
"Because I love you," he says, as though it's as simple as all that, and he reaches out to thumb away a few tears. "Because you mean everything in the world to me, Alfred. Because you are worth everything in the world. And if I have to prove that every day we're together, somehow I swear I will."
This - whatever it is he has with Herbert is new, it's a bit alarming.
But it's also...warm, and comfortable in a way he's never been. A little of that light in him that went out looking in the mirror rekindles in his eyes, a little awe in his face as he stares at the other vampire.
"...I believe you," he whispers, to Herbert but also to himself. Accepting it. Letting it calm him.
When their foreheads rest together, Alfred sighs a little - surprised at the contentment he feels. He's okay. He's all right. Herbert wouldn't let anything bad happen to him.
"...I've been...covering some of them," he admits, quietly. "This is just - I didn't know this was here. It surprised me. But I...I've seen it, now. It can't surprise me anymore."
Herbert nods a little, voice cracking slightly as he speaks. "Yes. I was terrified. I started smashing every mirror I could find until Father found me and managed to calm me down a little.
I'd forgotten what it was like. To be so new. To have to adjust. There's so many things I'm used to now, after almost three hundred years, that I forgot you'll have to go through. Like mirrors.
There are things that will be frightening. But I'll be there with you."
It...helps, knowing that Herbert had once been where he is now. That little crack in his voice is just a reminder that, under it all, years ago, he had been human once too.
And just like that, Alfred feels like he can understand him just a little better.
Absent mindedly, he reaches up to touch his cheek, looking him in the eyes.
"...Thank you. I...I'm glad you're here. I need you."
"I'll be here for as long as you need me, my love. We can find old sheets and cover every mirror we find, if you'd like. And if you need to smash a few, you can." Herbert leans into the touch and gives Alfred a soft, tentative smile.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:21 am (UTC)But he's still so shaken, he thinks nothing of admitting:
"...It wouldn't be the first time I was told so. The Professor, my Father, my classmates...they all...thought I was...terribly stupid. B-because I couldn't...I couldn't find...the right words, sometimes...."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:31 am (UTC)His voice has dropped into a low growl and he clutches at Alfred, one hand buried in his hair, nose against his neck. "You're so clever, Alfred. So much smarter than they could ever hope to be."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:39 am (UTC)He had really never...had anyone in his life like Herbert, before. Anyone to dispute the years and years of degradation, name-calling, gaslighting.
So he just clings back to the hissing, growling vampire, holding tight to him like a frightened child.
"...B-brilliance? You...think I'm...brilliant?"
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:46 am (UTC)"It just makes me so angry, to think that there have been people who have convinced you otherwise."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 03:50 am (UTC)"...Thank you," he whimpers, muffled against the older vampire. "You're - you're the first. To say that. It...helps me feel...not so...lost."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:02 am (UTC)"Whenever you feel lost, I will help you find yourself again. And whenever you feel forgotten, or alone, I will remind you how real you are to me. Because you are one of the single best things to happen to me, Alfred. And I will hunt down anyone whoever dares to make you feel like you might disappear."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:14 am (UTC)Tilting his head just enough to look up at Herbert, eyes and cheeks damp and pale, he sniffles...looking grateful, looking like he believes every bit, even though the only word he can find is:
"...Why? Why would - why would you do that for me?"
It isn't that he can't believe Herbert, because he does.
It's himself he doesn't believe in.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:30 am (UTC)But it's also...warm, and comfortable in a way he's never been. A little of that light in him that went out looking in the mirror rekindles in his eyes, a little awe in his face as he stares at the other vampire.
"...I believe you," he whispers, to Herbert but also to himself. Accepting it. Letting it calm him.
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:37 am (UTC)"Would it help if we covered them? The mirrors, I mean."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:49 am (UTC)"...I've been...covering some of them," he admits, quietly. "This is just - I didn't know this was here. It surprised me. But I...I've seen it, now. It can't surprise me anymore."
A pause.
"Did it...did it scare you, too? At first?"
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 04:57 am (UTC)I'd forgotten what it was like. To be so new. To have to adjust. There's so many things I'm used to now, after almost three hundred years, that I forgot you'll have to go through. Like mirrors.
There are things that will be frightening. But I'll be there with you."
no subject
Date: 2022-01-31 05:16 am (UTC)And just like that, Alfred feels like he can understand him just a little better.
Absent mindedly, he reaches up to touch his cheek, looking him in the eyes.
"...Thank you. I...I'm glad you're here. I need you."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-02-07 12:51 am (UTC)It hits him, all at once, and he speaks before thinking:
"You've...you've never helped someone else through this before. Have you?"