In spite of himself, he still flinches at her touch - but he doesn't pull away from it. He looks from her hand, to his own, trembling and white-knuckled...then up to her face. Sad. Apologetic. Remorseful.
He sighs, looking...tired, more than anything else.
"...I'm not angry, exactly. I'm - hurt. And part of that is what you did to me, but...." A beat, brows furrowed. "Part of it is that I...I should have known better. This - you and I - it was never going to be what I thought it was. It just...it wasn't."
He rests his hand over hers.
"It might take me some time to get over it, Sarah. Both how you hurt me, and...and how I...don't love you. And maybe I never did."
"I think I wanted very much to be in love with you, Alfred," she says slowly, trying to work out herself what exactly she had felt for this lovely boy.
"You are everything I should want. You're kind, and you're very dear, and you were very sweet to me when we met. But then I met the Count, and I saw -- what I actually did want. Freedom, and adventure, and most of all to be away from my old life.
And I'm sorry that I hurt you. Not just the bite, but in thinking that I might love you. I was foolish, and I hope you can forgive me that."
For a moment, Alfred just nods along - and then...uncharacteristically, he lets out a small, bitter little laugh. It isn't that he doesn't think her sincere - no, it's something else.
"...In time, Sarah. I believe you are sorry, but...it will take me time."
He pauses a moment, looking around the room as if for an answer to what to say next. And then he looks at her again, a strained little smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I - I'm not laughing at you. It's just...well. Can you keep a secret?"
She had been about to tell him not to be cruel, but then he's apologizing and she relaxes a little. The laugh had taken her by surprise; it had seemed so unlike him.
Still, Sarah regards him warily. "I think that I can, yes. I promise to keep yours."
His expression, now that he's stopped crying, is...tired. It's so tired, for someone of his age, the face of someone worked too hard for far too long.
He rubs at the back of his neck with one hand, drawing a slow breath in and out, before dropping it back to his side in an exasperated sort of motion.
"...The truth is, Sarah, that I am...so, so tired of being called 'nice.' Or 'kind.' Or 'sweet.' I may be these things, but they just...they aren't all there is to me. But that's all I have heard for years. 'Alfred, you are such a nice boy.' Or, or - 'you are very kind, but.' It's never been that I am bright, or strong, o-or even hard working.
Just...nice. Over and over and over again, like that's all people could see in me. Do you know how hard that is?"
For just a moment, as he's dispensing with all this, it's easier to see Alfred for what he actually is - a young man, perhaps just as deeply in need of freedom as Sarah was. He shakes his head a little, considering.
"At least...until Georg. Until...until Herbert. They had other things to say about me when we met. It was - it was good to hear."
"I do," she says, quietly, dropping her hand from his arm. "I think your nice is my pretty. Papa keeps saying, oh, what a blessing it is to have a beautiful daughter. It means you'll find a good husband. Mama would brush my hair and say of, how did we get so lucky to have a pretty daughter like you. Like that's my only value, is my good looks.
And then Georg appeared that night and even thought he caught me in the bath, he said nothing about my looks at all. He just asked me... is this all you want?
Alfred, at this...looks thoughtful. And perhaps a little guilty. He had been taken with her looks, of course, as much as he would like to say he hadn't. It was all part of the ideal, the thought of being the hero saving the damsel, striking out there like a knight, because that is what men are meant to do, isn't it? Be the hero, save the princess?
That's it, right? What it's meant to be about, for a man?
Saving a woman?
Hm.
So he just...nods.
"...You do understand, then." A little sigh.
"I think...we both belong here. I just wish it had happened differently. I am...glad, that Georg is opening the world to you. You deserve that much. We both do." A little chuckle, sort of sad.
"We were right. There was freedom out there. It just wasn't where we expected it."
"I'm glad that we both found our freedom. Even if it wasn't with each other." Her smile is a bit sad, as well. They'll both need time, to mourn for what they could have had. What they wanted to want to have.
"He is," Sarah adds, quickly. "He's promised me we can travel some day. He just needs to teach me how to be a proper vampire, first. But already, the world feels so much bigger now that I'm outside of the inn."
It's not going to be easy. It's going to be complicated and painful, living around each other, at least for a while...but at least now she's less of a demon in his mind, now. She was scared. So was easy. They both made poor choices, and now here they are.
"I - I'm glad." He pauses, just for a moment, and then -
"...You know, I - I've travelled, quite a bit. If you...if you ever want to hear about any of it. I'd...be happy to tell you stories."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-02-24 05:59 am (UTC)He sighs, looking...tired, more than anything else.
"...I'm not angry, exactly. I'm - hurt. And part of that is what you did to me, but...." A beat, brows furrowed. "Part of it is that I...I should have known better. This - you and I - it was never going to be what I thought it was. It just...it wasn't."
He rests his hand over hers.
"It might take me some time to get over it, Sarah. Both how you hurt me, and...and how I...don't love you. And maybe I never did."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 01:26 am (UTC)"You are everything I should want. You're kind, and you're very dear, and you were very sweet to me when we met. But then I met the Count, and I saw -- what I actually did want. Freedom, and adventure, and most of all to be away from my old life.
And I'm sorry that I hurt you. Not just the bite, but in thinking that I might love you. I was foolish, and I hope you can forgive me that."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 01:52 am (UTC)"...In time, Sarah. I believe you are sorry, but...it will take me time."
He pauses a moment, looking around the room as if for an answer to what to say next. And then he looks at her again, a strained little smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I - I'm not laughing at you. It's just...well. Can you keep a secret?"
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 01:55 am (UTC)Still, Sarah regards him warily. "I think that I can, yes. I promise to keep yours."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 04:09 am (UTC)He rubs at the back of his neck with one hand, drawing a slow breath in and out, before dropping it back to his side in an exasperated sort of motion.
"...The truth is, Sarah, that I am...so, so tired of being called 'nice.' Or 'kind.' Or 'sweet.' I may be these things, but they just...they aren't all there is to me. But that's all I have heard for years. 'Alfred, you are such a nice boy.' Or, or - 'you are very kind, but.' It's never been that I am bright, or strong, o-or even hard working.
Just...nice. Over and over and over again, like that's all people could see in me. Do you know how hard that is?"
For just a moment, as he's dispensing with all this, it's easier to see Alfred for what he actually is - a young man, perhaps just as deeply in need of freedom as Sarah was. He shakes his head a little, considering.
"At least...until Georg. Until...until Herbert. They had other things to say about me when we met. It was - it was good to hear."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 04:24 am (UTC)And then Georg appeared that night and even thought he caught me in the bath, he said nothing about my looks at all. He just asked me... is this all you want?
And it wasn't. So I came with him."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 04:33 am (UTC)That's it, right? What it's meant to be about, for a man?
Saving a woman?
Hm.
So he just...nods.
"...You do understand, then." A little sigh.
"I think...we both belong here. I just wish it had happened differently. I am...glad, that Georg is opening the world to you. You deserve that much. We both do." A little chuckle, sort of sad.
"We were right. There was freedom out there. It just wasn't where we expected it."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-25 04:47 am (UTC)"He is," Sarah adds, quickly. "He's promised me we can travel some day. He just needs to teach me how to be a proper vampire, first. But already, the world feels so much bigger now that I'm outside of the inn."
no subject
Date: 2022-02-26 03:42 am (UTC)It's not going to be easy. It's going to be complicated and painful, living around each other, at least for a while...but at least now she's less of a demon in his mind, now. She was scared. So was easy. They both made poor choices, and now here they are.
"I - I'm glad." He pauses, just for a moment, and then -
"...You know, I - I've travelled, quite a bit. If you...if you ever want to hear about any of it. I'd...be happy to tell you stories."
An olive branch, gently and cautiously held.