Congratulations on finally having the good sense to leave Bavan behind you.
Your castle sounds interesting. I have only seen castles from other parts of the world here on the peninsula, before I had only read about them. I would like to see yours. Does it have fortifications?
It was a littl e bit of an accident, truth be t old, but itis safer than me living in the aparttments.
It is - well, I am sti ll learning about it, actually. It used to belon g to a family of vampires back where Icame from. I would be gla d to show you around it, though!
There might be a library with books about monsters then? I would like to take a look, if you don't mind. I won't run into the monsters of your world here, but I'm always interested in learning more about dangerous creatures. Professional interest.
There is, as a ma tter of fact. Some of the boooks are a little old and the bindings are crumb ling, but you are welcome to look. and I can tell you what I know as well.
I would enjoy both. I like hearing stories about monsters from other countries. Unfortunately, my Yunmeng Jiang sect doesn't much get visitors from abroad.
Don't worry, I will be careful with the books. I won't let them come to any harm. Such research materials are precious.
Alfred disappeared from the scene before she had a chance to find him.
Shortly after the brief reunion with her Master, Seras began to search high and low for Alfred to break the decidedly awkward news that she'd found someone from her world; her Master, Alucard, had arrived with the group of people they'd found in the pit. It was a joyous reunion (at first-- fickle as always, that Alucard) after thirty years of absence prior to her own fog abduction, and she couldn't pretend that she wasn't happy to see him.
Unfortunately, she'd never really had the chance to talk to Alfred at length about her Master, to really explain the sort of person he was or who he could be, or even what she was to him other than His Servant. Alfred had been in such a fragile state since they met, she couldn't bring herself to drop the heavy load that was her life on his shoulders as well... The time didn't feel right, yet. Unfortunately, time has never really been on Seras's side and today it would make it's stance on her known by having her Master appear at the worst possible moment.
She left Alucard at the apartments with food and told him she had some important business to take care of before she could come back home. With that settled, she made her way to the castle as her stomach twisted itself in knots, wondering if perhaps the reason Alfred left was because he, too, had found someone from home... The possibility made her nauseous in a different way, but... she could still come around to be happy for him, if that was the case. She hoped.
Once inside the castle, she begins to call for him, moving as quickly as her legs would carry her through the corridors. As a pooka she was already pretty fast, but the longer she goes without reply, the more hurried she becomes.
"Alfred?"
She skids to a stop down the hall, pieces of what used to be a chair scattered across the stone floor, obstructing her way. Her racing heart stops for what feels like an eternity and before she's even aware she's begun to move again, she's following the trail of splintered wood toward the ballroom. Ah, this is infinitely worse than she thought. She peeks into the darkness, her poor rabbit heart beginning to pound all over again.
Going to help the new arrivals did not go...quite as anticipated.
Preparation had gone well - Seras helping had made it fun, and it felt good knowing that the way they had met got to carry on ahead , expanding and paying it all forward. He felt...good, knowing he had made that difference for her. Knowing that she wanted to turn around and make that difference for someone else in turn. In a rare moment, Alfred was feeling...good. Like he had made a real impact.
Then the day itself happened.
They had split up to help more people. After handing out a few kits, he had headed over to where Seras had been canvassing, his heart leapt a little when he spotted her...and then dropped through his stomach just a moment later as she leapt into the arms of someone tall and dark, happy as anything. Someone she knew.
How... nice.
Chest stinging for reasons he couldn't place, he then wandered back out...looking around at the people emerging. Well, if someone could come for her, why not him? Maybe it would happen. He wandered for a bit, afraid to hope, but needing to.
He even raised his voice in a little lilting tune, once, twice, three times.
Nothing.
No one.
Suddenly, the task wasn't feeling...as good as it had. Leaving the rest of his kits to be handed out by others, he did the only thing he now wanted to. He went back to the castle, eyes burning.
...
Now as Seras enters the darkened ballroom, she finds Alfred sitting on the bottom steps of the spiral staircase, the shrapnel of a broken chair laying in splinters near the doorway. He's leaning on the banister, staring at nothing until Seras falls within his line of sight.
His eyes blaze a vibrant red that they had not earlier in the day. He can hear her heart beating, and he shudders.
It's reasonable to be afraid of things with glowing red eyes. Especially as a prey animal. Usually, it's the creatures with glowing eyes that are out looking their next meal, looking for something warm, something easy, something like her.
The thing about Seras, though, was that she refused to let herself fall to anything, anyone without a fight. She may tremble, her eyes may brim with tears, she may bruise or bleed, but she could never let anyone see her break. That creature at the carnival that sent her home in pieces wasn't given the satisfaction of watching her fall apart. Even that monstrous woman back home that took her arm, her eyes and her Captain only invoked her wrath, sparked her fury and pushed her to take that final step and become a fully-fledged vampire.
Of course, none of the humans or monsters that had ever tried to break her... meant anything. Seras grew up unable to trust, knowing better than to attach herself to others, knowing the day would come where they too would hurt her. They would berate her, take something from her, harm her or abandon her one way or another. After a while, it just became easier not to trust.
Then came Alfred, the kind-hearted demon who took care of her the very day she arrived in this place and nearly every day since. He fed her, housed her, gave her companionship, even begun to teach her new things. He trusted her with his deepest sorrows and regrets, his highest hopes and dreams, despite barely knowing her. No one had ever opened themselves like that to her, and even still, she had yet to do the same in return. There just... hadn't been time. Seras had begun to trust him, she just knew he needed more time to heal from his own wounds before he could take care of hers... She would have never thought the things she withheld would come back to bite her so soon.
Or that the possibility of Alfred coming back to bite her would ever become a reality. Could she still trust him not to hurt her? Did that even matter, when she knows what she's done has hurt him already?
Seras finds herself moving towards him before she can think, working through the natural prey instinct to turn tail and run, locked on his bright crimson gaze. Her heart pounds in her throat, body trembling right down to her knees as she attempts to close the distance between them and make it to his side. If she can get to him, maybe... maybe she can fix this.
"Alfred, what's going on?" She hates that she likely knows the answer, but she has to ask.
It's wrong of him, to be angry with her. He knows that. She hasn't done anything wrong. She didn't plan for someone she knew to arrive. All she did was welcome someone to this strange place, find a moment of familiarity and solace. Share a moment of happiness. The obvious warmth of a reunion with someone important to her, someone tall and dark and graceful.
It isn't her fault, either, that he did not get to experience the same. Because that's how it is, isn't it? How it's always been, in his life. Not the hero. The sidekick. The comic relief. No one ever comes back for the comic relief, and if they do...it's a joke.
He's accepted this, a long time ago.
So why, he wonders, does he feel now like his chest has been hollowed out? Why are his eyes raw from crying? Why is he sitting in a pitch-black ballroom, clutching a tiny, worn, tear-stained book of love poetry white-knuckled in clawed hands? Why does he flinch as she calls out to him, sounding like she's seeking confirmation of something?
He watches her as she approaches. She looks...afraid. Her nose is twitching, like the rabbits in the snares his father had taught him to set so long ago. Alfred didn't have the heart to finish things with those rabbits, either. And now he's the hunter, the one who quietly drained a third of the blood from two strangers in an alleyway on the way back home because he felt like something in him was crumbling.
There is a moment of hesitation before he speaks, tone hollow, dark, shaking.
"...I didn't think I was doing any more good, there." A slow blink of those bright eyes. "And you were...busy. So I thought I would let you be."
It pains her to hear him this way. It seizes her heart in a way she's never felt, with a kind of fear she's never known. Where is he, right now? She can see him sitting on the steps in front of her, forlorn, listless. Empty. Alfred isn't there.
It's her fault. It's her fault she didn't tell him, that she didn't warn him. Whether or not she ever expected to see anyone from her world ever again, she should have at least told Alfred about him by now... But she didn't. She was too afraid. And now her cowardice was reaping the consequences. She hurt someone she loved, and now she would pay for it.
She'd never had anyone to love to hurt like this before. How is she supposed to fix it?
Her pace slows as she nears him, cautiously reaching out to touch his shoulder to try and embrace him.
"What on earth... Alfred, no." She admonishes ever so softly, like she always does, with a gentle, pleading lilt to her own trembling voice. "Let me explain, please..."
He scarcely moves for a moment as she makes her way towards him, just...watching. Listening. When she reaches out, he visibly flinches, swallowing hard and gaze darting briefly away. She's warm. Her heart is pounding, quickened, her blood singing through her. He hates that it's appealing, and he wants to apologize, to say something about it -
Until she admonishes him. It's gentle, and well-meaning...but it needles him, right now. Something in his face goes cold.
He draws himself upward to his feet, not folded inward like he usually is. His full height, on a step above her. Imposing.
"...What is there to explain," he murmurs, expression inscrutable. He steps down, forward, looking down at her, lip curled slightly to bear a fang as he speaks. He still smells like blood, above his cologne, his peppermint oil.
"Obviously that was someone who you care for very much."
Seras stands her ground even as he moves towards her, paws raising to brace against his arms, not to keep distance but to keep contact. Even gripping him doesn't stop the trembling; she's terrified of what she's done to him, what this situation is doing to him.
"A-a lot, actually! I--" He closes in on her, leering down at her with that icy expression and those hungry eyes. He interrupts her, and her explanation catches in her throat. What was she supposed to do? Lie and say that wasn't true? That she wasn't actually overjoyed to see someone she hadn't seen in years?
She won't back down, and won't lie about it, even to cushion the impact. Keeping it from him is what got them here in the first place.
"He's my Master, Alfred-- I- I had no idea he would-- I know I should've told you, before--"
It is very, very infrequently that Alfred shouts - so the way the sudden hiss echoes off the walls of the ballroom is alarming even to him. His gaze darts around, upward, wild as if searching for someone else - and in a sudden whirl, he dissolves into a cloud of mist.
The cloud hisses, twists - and reforms a couple of feet behind where Seras had been standing.
"Do you mean - was that your...your..."
He can't. He's barely holding it together, worlds away from his normal, sweet self.
He looks more splintered than the chair on the ground, his movements lithe, sharp as he starts to pace.
Seras yelps, tripping over her own feet as she stumbles backwards, hitting the ground with a grunt and a groan, tugging her ears down and gripping them tight against her head to brace for another boom. It has to be the high ceiling or something, she didn't think he could get that loud. Her heart threatens to jump ship, nevertheless, pounding relentlessly at the back of her throat. She doesn't even have time to process this all before he's disappeared and repositioned himself behind her with the mist, leaving her scrambling around to face him from her place on the stone floor. She doesn't want to say she's afraid of him, but something deep inside her prey brain tells her not to turn her back on him.
"A-Alfred, please, listen to me-- He-he's just-- We haven't-- I haven't been--" Seras speaks hurriedly, unable to find any quick, solid answers that could fix anything. Everything about her situation needed to be explained from the beginning or else it wouldn't make sense, but she knows she's well past out of time for that.
"I'm sorry, please-- please let me explain--!!" she begs again, more desperate than before. Releasing her ears when the boom doesn't come, Seras finally pushes herself up from the ground, reaching out for the pillar beside her to help her to her feet.
Alfred is too far gone to hear the reason - his thoughts going a mile a minute as he rounds in circles around Seras, periodally disappearing and reappearing in a puff of mist.
It's happening again. That's all he can think about. Starting to get on with her, maybe even - maybe -
But then along comes this old friend, this 'Master,' this-
"Is he your Sire, then?" He stops, turns on his heel, starts pacing the other way. Dizzying, disorienting, slowly pushing her back towards the entryway to the ballroom.
"And you need to go to him, is that right? Are you still under thrall to him? Do the theories still hold, because - I - I took all those notes, I remember it all very, very well-"
One of his phases puts him in front of a huge mirror along one wall, and he stops, blinks at it. At her reflection in it. In the fact that he isn't there.
And, unsettlingly, he laughs at it. At the irony of it. A hollow, harsh little giggle, because - he remembers this mirror.
And when he was reflected in it, someone ELSE was right where he is standing right now.
This can't be happening. This cannot be happening.
The shaking isn't just her prey brain in control, anymore. dread is sinking in, all her worries, every terrifying thought she'd had about telling him about her life coming true in an instant. This was why she didn't want to tell him, this is exactly what she was afraid of. Even before he'd changed, when he was still delicate, raw from his experiences, she didn't know how to tell him what she'd come from. She couldn't tell him who had sired her, or who she was and what that made her because of it... How could she tell a vampire hunter she was Dracula's Chosen? Especially one who was so close to the time of That Namesake...
It wasn't a lie if she never told it, she thought, and yet it still hurt him all the same. Hell, it didn't just hurt him. It's ruined him. On top of everything else he's been through, and now this... Something else in his life utterly destroyed by another goddamned vampire. It will be a miracle if he ever wants to hear another word from her ever again.
Still, she has to try. At least, she wants to, but he's speaking a mile a minute and she can't keep up. She wants to answer his questions honestly, but he's already moved on to the next thing before she can even make a sound. She's tugging on her ears again, sinking back on her haunches and curling into herself, overwhelmed by the sound of his voice, the stilted, erratic way he's speaking. It's her worst nightmare.
Seras remains huddled into herself even as he quiets, only opening her eyes when that chilling sound rings out into the open room. What on earth is he laughing at?
"A-alfred...?"
She follows his gaze to the mirror, only seeing herself reflected there. It still alarms her to see her own reflection every now and then. The pooka thing made her wary of mirrors as well, unhappy with the weakness of this form compared to what she used to be. Another reason for no one to take her seriously; she knows she looks like some pervert built a stuffed animal.
Reflected here in the mirror now, she looks small and scared and alone.
Alfred is supposed to be reflected in front of her. She can see him with her own eyes, she could touch him with her hands, but it's just as the mirror says.
He's months ago, watching a girl turn away from him to flirt with danger. He's scared and functionally alone in the castle.He's staring down Count von Krolock, going at him uselessly with a candlestick. He's too late to save Sarah.
Too late.
Always too late, too weak, too stupid, not strong enough. Alfred the doormat, Alfred who is NICE and will do ANYTHING asked of him, Alfred who never asks for anything for himself as long as everyone else is happy.
On the inside, he's in a hurricane, a song in his ears drowning out all reason. He's here again. It's all repeating. He can't stop it. It's his fate. The Fog must have known.
On the outside, he's somewhere between laughing and crying, biting his lip hard enough that thick, dead, black blood oozes from it. He can't breathe. He doesn't have to but he feels stifled. He doesn't know what's wrong with him, can't recognize the panic attack for what it is as it tears through him.
"I can't - I c-can't-" he looks to the mirror again. He sees Seras, and she's afraid of him. He's ruining everything again but he can't STOP. A step back makes him trip on a wooden chair leg, jagged at the edge. It skids across the ground to where she is trembling.
Alfred looks at it.
And then he looks up at her, bright crimson eyes glassy and wide before his body turns once more to mist, whirling around her.
Not long after they met, he needed someone-- anyone --to care about him, not just to hear him but to listen to what he'd been through, to hear how he felt, to hold him when he desperately needed to be held, and she was there. Every time he would reach out for comfort, she gave it to him, no questions asked. She calmed him from his nightmares, lulled him when he couldn't sleep. Seras promised she wouldn't give up on him, that she would always be there when he needed her.
In some strange way, this entire ordeal was cathartic for her, as if she was comforting the person she was all those years ago, the girl that needed someone to tell her it was okay to cry, it was okay to be angry, it was okay to hurt... That if today was too hard, they could try again tomorrow.
Would he give her tomorrow? Could he, even if he wanted to?
It doesn't matter. Seras can't abandon him now at his angriest, his most broken, at his worst and still call herself a good friend. What kind of friend would she be if she broke her promise like that? How could she say she loved him if she ran away from him, now?
There's no reason to be afraid, she has to trust that he's not actually going to hurt her. Even if he did, he... he couldn't mean it. Further still, Seras believes herself to deserve that punishment and would take it on the chin either way. She doesn't even mind letting him take it out on her... there's not a doubt in her mind that she's been through worse than anything he would do.
Even as the veritable whirlwind that is Alfred swirls about her, Seras steels herself against his blustering presence and pushes herself to her feet, reaching trembling hands out into the mist for him. It may not work, but she wants to try. She has to try.
"Alfred, please... i-it will be alright, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
The paws reaching into the whirl of mist at first find nothing within - he can't pull himself together, he's confused, he's spiraling -
But then, suddenly, she catches something solid and cold...and in a moment, he is there again, staring at her warm hands wrapped around his upper arm. Alfred stills for a moment, looking, for just a moment, as though he might be trying to fight his way back out of this panic. A whimper escapes him, Seras's words cutting through the haze.
It will be alright.
I'm not going anywhere.
He wants to believe her, and at another time, in a better condition, perhaps he would. He would know that he's flying off the handle, that this isn't him, that he's being completely unreasonable, unfair, even cruel -
But right now, he can't stop himself as he grips her arms back just a little too tight, digging claws in, leaning in with a snarl on his lips, bearing his fangs.
"But your Master will need you."
The words are spat, hissed, cold and cruel - and it's no sooner that they're out of his mouth before he gasps a little, letting go of her arms and springing back. He... really is out of control, isn't he?
"N-No, I - I didn't mean to - I don't want to- es tut mir leid....es tut mir leid-"
Panicked, he dissolves once more, spilling out into the hall, blinking and fading his way out into the entryway. He stops there, hugging himself around the shoulders, eyes wide and darting in the dark. He cries out, wordlessly, hands twining in his hair.
What is happening to him?
Why can't he hear himself think above that DAMN SONG?
She can see Alfred, trapped inside of himself, desperately trying to claw his way out. She squeezes his arms and starts to pull him closer, only for his hands to wrap tight about her wrists, the sharp points of his claws penetrating her flesh and tearing a startled cry from her throat. It stings, but she can barely focus on that pain over the ache in her chest as his bitter words cut through her very soul.
But your Master will need you.
She will never unhear that seething, nigh mocking tone. Worse still, she will never unsee this look in his eyes, this begrudging, hateful gaze as he spits those bitter words in her face. Even as he recovers himself for a moment, even as he apologizes and disappears once more, she's left with the stinging in her wrists and in her heart as she gasps for air, staring forward into the dark, empty ballroom.
There's nothing she can do to change this. Her Master does need her. They both do. If she could split herself in two to take care of them both, she would in an instant. But that's not their reality. There is only one of her and even if she wanted to make a choice-- which she absolutely does not --it looks like the choice is being made for her either way. It was always going to be this way.
Even without the blood bond between them, she would choose Alucard for reasons she still believed in, to this day. He chose her, after all. He was like family to her. Hell, he's the only family she has. But she wouldn't get to explain that to Alfred, he didn't want to hear it.
It takes her several agonizing moments to come back to herself, to stop playing those words on repeat in her mind long enough to find her bearings and try to leave. Her body carries on without her as she struggles, stumbling through the dark room towards the hall and reaching out for the wall for support. Her eyes are downcast, vision hazy, able to see just enough to keep from tripping over the debris strewn across the stone floor. She can't stay here. He wants her gone. Her Master will need her.
Alfred stands at the entryway, blocking her escape. He appears to still be battling with himself, some part of him still fighting to find his way out... but she doesn't feel strong enough to help, anymore. She's worried that seeing her will set him off again, but she doesn't know how else she can leave.
Shit.
What could one more attempt hurt? They've already come this far.
Seras does not announce herself when she reaches out for him this time, she doesn't call his name. One paw reaches out for his arm to pull herself to him, against his back, the other arm wrapping around him to place a paw on his chest, embracing him as gently as she can manage from behind. She buries her face between his shoulders, muffling a soft sob into the silk of his blouse, curling her digits in it as she tightens her embrace.
By the time Seras is pressing herself to his back, Alfred is trembling, half there and half gone, cringing at the scent of her blood as it seeps into his shirt. It smells good, he wants it and that scares him, too. He doesn't want her to leave, but he's self-aware enough to know that it isn't safe, that HE isn't safe.
His heart is still, but it aches all the same. This is Seras, after all. Sweet, funny Seras who shares her bed with him so he doesn't have to be alone in the castle. Who has flour fights with him in the kitchen that end in them both patched with white and giggling. Who has been so patient with him, so gentle, so kind and grateful.
And now here they are, with another vampire tumbling into the picture to snatch her away. Not only that, but he can't be sure if the vampire standing in the way is this Master, or if it's...himself.
He sobs, head lolling forward, blood running down his cheeks.
It's so loud here, in this room. The Song is so loud, louder than ever, more...seductive. He freezes, realization dawning on him as he gently rests his hand over hers.
...He could use it. He did by mistake only the night before. He could use it, if he just...tries....
When he turns, looking down, his eyes finally focus on her, a strange, intense expression dawning slowly on his face.
He could keep her, if he wanted.
It would be so easy.
For a moment, he is silent...and then he raises one hand between them, fingers splaying and drifting gracefully through the air as he begins to sing, letting the tune that's been ringing in his head flow through him.
"Sink mit mir ins Meer der Zeit...Ich lehr dich was es heißt zu leben...."
He didn't pull away, this time. He didn't disappear.
Maybe this is a step in the right direction... maybe this is what he needed. She squeezes him tighter when his body is wracked with a sob, nuzzling into him.
"E-everything will be okay, I promise. I swear." And it would be, no matter what it took. Seras didn't make a habit of making promises she didn't intend to keep, but unbeknownst to her, pookas were just as bound to any oath they made. Everything was going to be okay for him, no matter what she had to do to make it so.
Loosening her grip when he turns to face her, she smiles softly up at him, saddened but surprisingly unbothered by the blood cutting dark lines across his pale cheeks. She thinks to raise a paw to wipe them away, but he has lifted his own hand before her, leaving her more than a tad confused. Seras blinks curiously as she watches his hand, lips parting to question him before he's begun... singing?
It's that song she catches him humming every now and then, isn't it? Why--
But it's so lovely, isn't it? She's never heard the words before; he's never actually sung this one for her, before. His voice is just beautiful, clear as a bell, enchanting as always.
That warm, sweet feeling is taking her over, relaxing her. She feels... safe. He's embracing her with his song, clouding her mind with his voice once again. It didn't need to be more than that, did it? How could she worry at a time like this? Seras begins to lean into him again, eyes brighter than before, eager, and yet somehow... empty.
Why would she need to question him? He's singing again... Everything is fine. She... can stay with him, can't she? Maybe, her Master would be fine without--
Her shoulders tense, terror flashing bright in her ruby red eyes. She can't pull away, her body won't let her. No-- she can't think that way. What is happening to her? What is Alfred doing--
Seras promised everything would be okay... would this be what it took?
It's just as easy as he thought. He can feel it, feel the way his power is settling heavy over her, and it feels...good. She leans into him, looking up with those wide eyes, and he smiles faintly, letting his voice ring out, echo, crash back down around them like a lulling wave.
"Spür das Glück der Traurigkeit, Fühl die Wohllust doch aufzugeben...."
None of this has to happen. He can make it go away. He can make her stay, and everything can go back to what it was just last night. She's warm, there in front of him, her heart beat slowing as she slips under the trance.
Just like he did.
"Such mit mir den schwarzen Gral...L-lern von mir, was es heißt zu...zu lieben-"
The look of terror that blooms on her is like a knife in his chest. It's familiar, and he places why mid line, a look of pure horror crossing his own young face.
He realizes where they're standing.
And he remembers how scared he was, under that fuzzy, floating feeling, when Count von Krolock mesmerized him with that haunting melody, too, right here.
He stops, a sob killing his voice, fresh tears tracking red lines down his porcelain cheeks. This is wrong. How could he? How could he do this to her? The hand between them drops from the air to land gently on her shoulder, shaking her just a little to help her come to.
"I'm so sorry," he chokes. A moment of lucidity, of pain. "Seras, I'm not - myself. I feel so strange, I - I can't-"
The hand drifts to her hair, smoothing it down. She doesn't want to go, he knows that, really. But he can feel himself slipping, finally tumbling down the precipice he started to find himself on just after that carnival. And now he's proven to himself that... he's dangerous to her. Not because she can't take him, because...she can.
But because she won't back down. Because she won't stop fighting for him, even if her neck is on the line.
Alfred can't in good conscience let her. This is the line he's crossed. And now there is no going back over it, even if he can feel his dead heart falling to pieces.
"Please...he - he really must need you. He must be so lost. I will be fine. And I'm - not mad, not really, I'm just - I'm -
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
text - < ausername >
Date: 2022-05-25 05:01 am (UTC)Of course! You are mo
re than welcome. I have an entire castle on the outsk
irts of the city now, in fact.
Let me know when you want to be here and I would be glaad to meet!
--Alfred Schreiber
no subject
Date: 2022-05-26 04:44 pm (UTC)Your castle sounds interesting. I have only seen castles from other parts of the world here on the peninsula, before I had only read about them. I would like to see yours. Does it have fortifications?
Jiang Wanyin
< ausername >
Date: 2022-05-30 03:31 am (UTC)old, but itis safer than me living in the aparttments.
It is - well, I am sti ll learning about it, actually. It used to belon g to a family of vampires back where Icame from. I would be gla
d to show you around it, though!
--Alfred Schreiber
no subject
Date: 2022-05-30 02:51 pm (UTC)There might be a library with books about monsters then? I would like to take a look, if you don't mind. I won't run into the monsters of your world here, but I'm always interested in learning more about dangerous creatures. Professional interest.
Jiang Wanyin
< ausername >
Date: 2022-06-04 04:46 am (UTC)There is, as a ma tter of fact. Some of the boooks are a little old and the bindings are crumb
ling, but you are welcome to look. and I can tell you what I know as well.
--Alfred Schreiber
no subject
Date: 2022-06-04 12:51 pm (UTC)Don't worry, I will be careful with the books. I won't let them come to any harm. Such research materials are precious.
June 4th - Evening after arrivals
Date: 2022-06-09 03:11 am (UTC)Shortly after the brief reunion with her Master, Seras began to search high and low for Alfred to break the decidedly awkward news that she'd found someone from her world; her Master, Alucard, had arrived with the group of people they'd found in the pit. It was a joyous reunion (at first-- fickle as always, that Alucard) after thirty years of absence prior to her own fog abduction, and she couldn't pretend that she wasn't happy to see him.
Unfortunately, she'd never really had the chance to talk to Alfred at length about her Master, to really explain the sort of person he was or who he could be, or even what she was to him other than His Servant. Alfred had been in such a fragile state since they met, she couldn't bring herself to drop the heavy load that was her life on his shoulders as well... The time didn't feel right, yet. Unfortunately, time has never really been on Seras's side and today it would make it's stance on her known by having her Master appear at the worst possible moment.
She left Alucard at the apartments with food and told him she had some important business to take care of before she could come back home. With that settled, she made her way to the castle as her stomach twisted itself in knots, wondering if perhaps the reason Alfred left was because he, too, had found someone from home... The possibility made her nauseous in a different way, but... she could still come around to be happy for him, if that was the case.
She hoped.Once inside the castle, she begins to call for him, moving as quickly as her legs would carry her through the corridors. As a pooka she was already pretty fast, but the longer she goes without reply, the more hurried she becomes.
"Alfred?"
She skids to a stop down the hall, pieces of what used to be a chair scattered across the stone floor, obstructing her way. Her racing heart stops for what feels like an eternity and before she's even aware she's begun to move again, she's following the trail of splintered wood toward the ballroom. Ah, this is infinitely worse than she thought. She peeks into the darkness, her poor rabbit heart beginning to pound all over again.
"...A-Alfred? Darling...? A-are you in here...?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-09 07:46 am (UTC)Preparation had gone well - Seras helping had made it fun, and it felt good knowing that the way they had met got to carry on ahead , expanding and paying it all forward. He felt...good, knowing he had made that difference for her. Knowing that she wanted to turn around and make that difference for someone else in turn. In a rare moment, Alfred was feeling...good. Like he had made a real impact.
Then the day itself happened.
They had split up to help more people. After handing out a few kits, he had headed over to where Seras had been canvassing, his heart leapt a little when he spotted her...and then dropped through his stomach just a moment later as she leapt into the arms of someone tall and dark, happy as anything. Someone she knew.
How... nice.
Chest stinging for reasons he couldn't place, he then wandered back out...looking around at the people emerging. Well, if someone could come for her, why not him? Maybe it would happen. He wandered for a bit, afraid to hope, but needing to.
He even raised his voice in a little lilting tune, once, twice, three times.
Nothing.
No one.
Suddenly, the task wasn't feeling...as good as it had. Leaving the rest of his kits to be handed out by others, he did the only thing he now wanted to. He went back to the castle, eyes burning.
...
Now as Seras enters the darkened ballroom, she finds Alfred sitting on the bottom steps of the spiral staircase, the shrapnel of a broken chair laying in splinters near the doorway. He's leaning on the banister, staring at nothing until Seras falls within his line of sight.
His eyes blaze a vibrant red that they had not earlier in the day. He can hear her heart beating, and he shudders.
"...Seras.
Guten Abend."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 12:50 am (UTC)It's reasonable to be afraid of things with glowing red eyes. Especially as a prey animal. Usually, it's the creatures with glowing eyes that are out looking their next meal, looking for something warm, something easy, something like her.
The thing about Seras, though, was that she refused to let herself fall to anything, anyone without a fight. She may tremble, her eyes may brim with tears, she may bruise or bleed, but she could never let anyone see her break. That creature at the carnival that sent her home in pieces wasn't given the satisfaction of watching her fall apart. Even that monstrous woman back home that took her arm, her eyes and her Captain only invoked her wrath, sparked her fury and pushed her to take that final step and become a fully-fledged vampire.
Of course, none of the humans or monsters that had ever tried to break her... meant anything. Seras grew up unable to trust, knowing better than to attach herself to others, knowing the day would come where they too would hurt her. They would berate her, take something from her, harm her or abandon her one way or another. After a while, it just became easier not to trust.
Then came Alfred, the kind-hearted demon who took care of her the very day she arrived in this place and nearly every day since. He fed her, housed her, gave her companionship, even begun to teach her new things. He trusted her with his deepest sorrows and regrets, his highest hopes and dreams, despite barely knowing her. No one had ever opened themselves like that to her, and even still, she had yet to do the same in return. There just... hadn't been time. Seras had begun to trust him, she just knew he needed more time to heal from his own wounds before he could take care of hers... She would have never thought the things she withheld would come back to bite her so soon.
Or that the possibility of Alfred coming back to bite her would ever become a reality. Could she still trust him not to hurt her? Did that even matter, when she knows what she's done has hurt him already?
Seras finds herself moving towards him before she can think, working through the natural prey instinct to turn tail and run, locked on his bright crimson gaze. Her heart pounds in her throat, body trembling right down to her knees as she attempts to close the distance between them and make it to his side. If she can get to him, maybe... maybe she can fix this.
"Alfred, what's going on?" She hates that she likely knows the answer, but she has to ask.
"Why did you leave?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 04:31 am (UTC)It isn't her fault, either, that he did not get to experience the same. Because that's how it is, isn't it? How it's always been, in his life. Not the hero. The sidekick. The comic relief. No one ever comes back for the comic relief, and if they do...it's a joke.
He's accepted this, a long time ago.
So why, he wonders, does he feel now like his chest has been hollowed out? Why are his eyes raw from crying? Why is he sitting in a pitch-black ballroom, clutching a tiny, worn, tear-stained book of love poetry white-knuckled in clawed hands? Why does he flinch as she calls out to him, sounding like she's seeking confirmation of something?
He watches her as she approaches. She looks...afraid. Her nose is twitching, like the rabbits in the snares his father had taught him to set so long ago. Alfred didn't have the heart to finish things with those rabbits, either. And now he's the hunter, the one who quietly drained a third of the blood from two strangers in an alleyway on the way back home because he felt like something in him was crumbling.
There is a moment of hesitation before he speaks, tone hollow, dark, shaking.
"...I didn't think I was doing any more good, there." A slow blink of those bright eyes. "And you were...busy. So I thought I would let you be."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 05:54 am (UTC)It's her fault. It's her fault she didn't tell him, that she didn't warn him. Whether or not she ever expected to see anyone from her world ever again, she should have at least told Alfred about him by now... But she didn't. She was too afraid. And now her cowardice was reaping the consequences. She hurt someone she loved, and now she would pay for it.
She'd never had anyone to love to hurt like this before. How is she supposed to fix it?
Her pace slows as she nears him, cautiously reaching out to touch his shoulder to try and embrace him.
"What on earth... Alfred, no." She admonishes ever so softly, like she always does, with a gentle, pleading lilt to her own trembling voice. "Let me explain, please..."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 06:11 am (UTC)Until she admonishes him. It's gentle, and well-meaning...but it needles him, right now. Something in his face goes cold.
He draws himself upward to his feet, not folded inward like he usually is. His full height, on a step above her. Imposing.
"...What is there to explain," he murmurs, expression inscrutable. He steps down, forward, looking down at her, lip curled slightly to bear a fang as he speaks. He still smells like blood, above his cologne, his peppermint oil.
"Obviously that was someone who you care for very much."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 06:41 am (UTC)"A-a lot, actually! I--" He closes in on her, leering down at her with that icy expression and those hungry eyes. He interrupts her, and her explanation catches in her throat. What was she supposed to do? Lie and say that wasn't true? That she wasn't actually overjoyed to see someone she hadn't seen in years?
She won't back down, and won't lie about it, even to cushion the impact. Keeping it from him is what got them here in the first place.
"He's my Master, Alfred-- I- I had no idea he would-- I know I should've told you, before--"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 07:04 am (UTC)It is very, very infrequently that Alfred shouts - so the way the sudden hiss echoes off the walls of the ballroom is alarming even to him. His gaze darts around, upward, wild as if searching for someone else - and in a sudden whirl, he dissolves into a cloud of mist.
The cloud hisses, twists - and reforms a couple of feet behind where Seras had been standing.
"Do you mean - was that your...your..."
He can't. He's barely holding it together, worlds away from his normal, sweet self.
He looks more splintered than the chair on the ground, his movements lithe, sharp as he starts to pace.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 07:36 am (UTC)Seras yelps, tripping over her own feet as she stumbles backwards, hitting the ground with a grunt and a groan, tugging her ears down and gripping them tight against her head to brace for another boom. It has to be the high ceiling or something, she didn't think he could get that loud. Her heart threatens to jump ship, nevertheless, pounding relentlessly at the back of her throat. She doesn't even have time to process this all before he's disappeared and repositioned himself behind her with the mist, leaving her scrambling around to face him from her place on the stone floor. She doesn't want to say she's afraid of him, but something deep inside her prey brain tells her not to turn her back on him.
"A-Alfred, please, listen to me-- He-he's just-- We haven't-- I haven't been--" Seras speaks hurriedly, unable to find any quick, solid answers that could fix anything. Everything about her situation needed to be explained from the beginning or else it wouldn't make sense, but she knows she's well past out of time for that.
"I'm sorry, please-- please let me explain--!!" she begs again, more desperate than before. Releasing her ears when the boom doesn't come, Seras finally pushes herself up from the ground, reaching out for the pillar beside her to help her to her feet.
"Please."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-10 08:10 am (UTC)It's happening again. That's all he can think about. Starting to get on with her, maybe even - maybe -
But then along comes this old friend, this 'Master,' this-
"Is he your Sire, then?" He stops, turns on his heel, starts pacing the other way. Dizzying, disorienting, slowly pushing her back towards the entryway to the ballroom.
"And you need to go to him, is that right? Are you still under thrall to him? Do the theories still hold, because - I - I took all those notes, I remember it all very, very well-"
One of his phases puts him in front of a huge mirror along one wall, and he stops, blinks at it. At her reflection in it. In the fact that he isn't there.
And, unsettlingly, he laughs at it. At the irony of it. A hollow, harsh little giggle, because - he remembers this mirror.
And when he was reflected in it, someone ELSE was right where he is standing right now.
1/2
Date: 2022-06-10 08:48 pm (UTC)This can't be happening. This cannot be happening.
The shaking isn't just her prey brain in control, anymore. dread is sinking in, all her worries, every terrifying thought she'd had about telling him about her life coming true in an instant. This was why she didn't want to tell him, this is exactly what she was afraid of. Even before he'd changed, when he was still delicate, raw from his experiences, she didn't know how to tell him what she'd come from. She couldn't tell him who had sired her, or who she was and what that made her because of it... How could she tell a vampire hunter she was Dracula's Chosen? Especially one who was so close to the time of That Namesake...
It wasn't a lie if she never told it, she thought, and yet it still hurt him all the same. Hell, it didn't just hurt him. It's ruined him. On top of everything else he's been through, and now this... Something else in his life utterly destroyed by another goddamned vampire. It will be a miracle if he ever wants to hear another word from her ever again.
Still, she has to try. At least, she wants to, but he's speaking a mile a minute and she can't keep up. She wants to answer his questions honestly, but he's already moved on to the next thing before she can even make a sound. She's tugging on her ears again, sinking back on her haunches and curling into herself, overwhelmed by the sound of his voice, the stilted, erratic way he's speaking. It's her worst nightmare.
He's lost himself. She's lost him, too.
A nightmare come true.
2/2
Date: 2022-06-10 09:00 pm (UTC)"A-alfred...?"
She follows his gaze to the mirror, only seeing herself reflected there. It still alarms her to see her own reflection every now and then. The pooka thing made her wary of mirrors as well, unhappy with the weakness of this form compared to what she used to be. Another reason for no one to take her seriously; she knows she looks like some pervert built a stuffed animal.
Reflected here in the mirror now, she looks small and scared and alone.
Alfred is supposed to be reflected in front of her. She can see him with her own eyes, she could touch him with her hands, but it's just as the mirror says.
He's not there, anymore.
CW: dissociation, depersonalization, intrusive thoughts
Date: 2022-06-11 12:27 am (UTC)He's months ago, watching a girl turn away from him to flirt with danger. He's scared and functionally alone in the castle.He's staring down Count von Krolock, going at him uselessly with a candlestick. He's too late to save Sarah.
Too late.
Always too late, too weak, too stupid, not strong enough. Alfred the doormat, Alfred who is NICE and will do ANYTHING asked of him, Alfred who never asks for anything for himself as long as everyone else is happy.
On the inside, he's in a hurricane, a song in his ears drowning out all reason. He's here again. It's all repeating. He can't stop it. It's his fate. The Fog must have known.
On the outside, he's somewhere between laughing and crying, biting his lip hard enough that thick, dead, black blood oozes from it. He can't breathe. He doesn't have to but he feels stifled. He doesn't know what's wrong with him, can't recognize the panic attack for what it is as it tears through him.
"I can't - I c-can't-" he looks to the mirror again. He sees Seras, and she's afraid of him. He's ruining everything again but he can't STOP. A step back makes him trip on a wooden chair leg, jagged at the edge. It skids across the ground to where she is trembling.
Alfred looks at it.
And then he looks up at her, bright crimson eyes glassy and wide before his body turns once more to mist, whirling around her.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 02:45 am (UTC)Not long after they met, he needed someone-- anyone --to care about him, not just to hear him but to listen to what he'd been through, to hear how he felt, to hold him when he desperately needed to be held, and she was there. Every time he would reach out for comfort, she gave it to him, no questions asked. She calmed him from his nightmares, lulled him when he couldn't sleep. Seras promised she wouldn't give up on him, that she would always be there when he needed her.
In some strange way, this entire ordeal was cathartic for her, as if she was comforting the person she was all those years ago, the girl that needed someone to tell her it was okay to cry, it was okay to be angry, it was okay to hurt... That if today was too hard, they could try again tomorrow.
Would he give her tomorrow? Could he, even if he wanted to?
It doesn't matter. Seras can't abandon him now at his angriest, his most broken, at his worst and still call herself a good friend. What kind of friend would she be if she broke her promise like that? How could she say she loved him if she ran away from him, now?
There's no reason to be afraid, she has to trust that he's not actually going to hurt her. Even if he did, he... he couldn't mean it. Further still, Seras believes herself to deserve that punishment and would take it on the chin either way. She doesn't even mind letting him take it out on her... there's not a doubt in her mind that she's been through worse than anything he would do.
Even as the veritable whirlwind that is Alfred swirls about her, Seras steels herself against his blustering presence and pushes herself to her feet, reaching trembling hands out into the mist for him. It may not work, but she wants to try. She has to try.
"Alfred, please... i-it will be alright, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 05:08 am (UTC)But then, suddenly, she catches something solid and cold...and in a moment, he is there again, staring at her warm hands wrapped around his upper arm. Alfred stills for a moment, looking, for just a moment, as though he might be trying to fight his way back out of this panic. A whimper escapes him, Seras's words cutting through the haze.
It will be alright.
I'm not going anywhere.
He wants to believe her, and at another time, in a better condition, perhaps he would. He would know that he's flying off the handle, that this isn't him, that he's being completely unreasonable, unfair, even cruel -
But right now, he can't stop himself as he grips her arms back just a little too tight, digging claws in, leaning in with a snarl on his lips, bearing his fangs.
"But your Master will need you."
The words are spat, hissed, cold and cruel - and it's no sooner that they're out of his mouth before he gasps a little, letting go of her arms and springing back. He... really is out of control, isn't he?
"N-No, I - I didn't mean to - I don't want to- es tut mir leid....es tut mir leid-"
Panicked, he dissolves once more, spilling out into the hall, blinking and fading his way out into the entryway. He stops there, hugging himself around the shoulders, eyes wide and darting in the dark. He cries out, wordlessly, hands twining in his hair.
What is happening to him?
Why can't he hear himself think above that DAMN SONG?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-11 06:57 am (UTC)She can see Alfred, trapped inside of himself, desperately trying to claw his way out. She squeezes his arms and starts to pull him closer, only for his hands to wrap tight about her wrists, the sharp points of his claws penetrating her flesh and tearing a startled cry from her throat. It stings, but she can barely focus on that pain over the ache in her chest as his bitter words cut through her very soul.
But your Master will need you.
She will never unhear that seething, nigh mocking tone. Worse still, she will never unsee this look in his eyes, this begrudging, hateful gaze as he spits those bitter words in her face. Even as he recovers himself for a moment, even as he apologizes and disappears once more, she's left with the stinging in her wrists and in her heart as she gasps for air, staring forward into the dark, empty ballroom.
There's nothing she can do to change this. Her Master does need her. They both do. If she could split herself in two to take care of them both, she would in an instant. But that's not their reality. There is only one of her and even if she wanted to make a choice-- which she absolutely does not --it looks like the choice is being made for her either way. It was always going to be this way.
Even without the blood bond between them, she would choose Alucard for reasons she still believed in, to this day. He chose her, after all. He was like family to her. Hell, he's the only family she has. But she wouldn't get to explain that to Alfred, he didn't want to hear it.
It takes her several agonizing moments to come back to herself, to stop playing those words on repeat in her mind long enough to find her bearings and try to leave. Her body carries on without her as she struggles, stumbling through the dark room towards the hall and reaching out for the wall for support. Her eyes are downcast, vision hazy, able to see just enough to keep from tripping over the debris strewn across the stone floor. She can't stay here. He wants her gone. Her Master will need her.
Alfred stands at the entryway, blocking her escape. He appears to still be battling with himself, some part of him still fighting to find his way out... but she doesn't feel strong enough to help, anymore. She's worried that seeing her will set him off again, but she doesn't know how else she can leave.
Shit.
What could one more attempt hurt? They've already come this far.
Seras does not announce herself when she reaches out for him this time, she doesn't call his name. One paw reaches out for his arm to pull herself to him, against his back, the other arm wrapping around him to place a paw on his chest, embracing him as gently as she can manage from behind. She buries her face between his shoulders, muffling a soft sob into the silk of his blouse, curling her digits in it as she tightens her embrace.
"I'm sorry."
Cw: mind control/hypnosis
Date: 2022-06-11 07:55 am (UTC)His heart is still, but it aches all the same. This is Seras, after all. Sweet, funny Seras who shares her bed with him so he doesn't have to be alone in the castle. Who has flour fights with him in the kitchen that end in them both patched with white and giggling. Who has been so patient with him, so gentle, so kind and grateful.
And now here they are, with another vampire tumbling into the picture to snatch her away. Not only that, but he can't be sure if the vampire standing in the way is this Master, or if it's...himself.
He sobs, head lolling forward, blood running down his cheeks.
It's so loud here, in this room. The Song is so loud, louder than ever, more...seductive. He freezes, realization dawning on him as he gently rests his hand over hers.
...He could use it. He did by mistake only the night before. He could use it, if he just...tries....
When he turns, looking down, his eyes finally focus on her, a strange, intense expression dawning slowly on his face.
He could keep her, if he wanted.
It would be so easy.
For a moment, he is silent...and then he raises one hand between them, fingers splaying and drifting gracefully through the air as he begins to sing, letting the tune that's been ringing in his head flow through him.
"Sink mit mir ins Meer der Zeit...Ich lehr dich was es heißt zu leben...."
cw: under mind control, dissociation
Date: 2022-06-11 08:48 am (UTC)Maybe this is a step in the right direction... maybe this is what he needed. She squeezes him tighter when his body is wracked with a sob, nuzzling into him.
"E-everything will be okay, I promise. I swear." And it would be, no matter what it took. Seras didn't make a habit of making promises she didn't intend to keep, but unbeknownst to her, pookas were just as bound to any oath they made. Everything was going to be okay for him, no matter what she had to do to make it so.
Loosening her grip when he turns to face her, she smiles softly up at him, saddened but surprisingly unbothered by the blood cutting dark lines across his pale cheeks. She thinks to raise a paw to wipe them away, but he has lifted his own hand before her, leaving her more than a tad confused. Seras blinks curiously as she watches his hand, lips parting to question him before he's begun... singing?
It's that song she catches him humming every now and then, isn't it? Why--
But it's so lovely, isn't it? She's never heard the words before; he's never actually sung this one for her, before. His voice is just beautiful, clear as a bell, enchanting as always.
That warm, sweet feeling is taking her over, relaxing her. She feels... safe. He's embracing her with his song, clouding her mind with his voice once again. It didn't need to be more than that, did it? How could she worry at a time like this? Seras begins to lean into him again, eyes brighter than before, eager, and yet somehow... empty.
Why would she need to question him? He's singing again... Everything is fine. She... can stay with him, can't she? Maybe, her Master would be fine without--
Her shoulders tense, terror flashing bright in her ruby red eyes. She can't pull away, her body won't let her. No-- she can't think that way. What is happening to her? What is Alfred doing--
Seras promised everything would be okay... would this be what it took?
Giving in?
Like this?
Cw: mind control/hypnosis
Date: 2022-06-11 05:40 pm (UTC)"Spür das Glück der Traurigkeit, Fühl die Wohllust doch aufzugeben...."
None of this has to happen. He can make it go away. He can make her stay, and everything can go back to what it was just last night. She's warm, there in front of him, her heart beat slowing as she slips under the trance.
Just like he did.
"Such mit mir den schwarzen Gral...L-lern von mir, was es heißt zu...zu lieben-"
The look of terror that blooms on her is like a knife in his chest. It's familiar, and he places why mid line, a look of pure horror crossing his own young face.
He realizes where they're standing.
And he remembers how scared he was, under that fuzzy, floating feeling, when Count von Krolock mesmerized him with that haunting melody, too, right here.
He stops, a sob killing his voice, fresh tears tracking red lines down his porcelain cheeks. This is wrong. How could he? How could he do this to her? The hand between them drops from the air to land gently on her shoulder, shaking her just a little to help her come to.
"I'm so sorry," he chokes. A moment of lucidity, of pain. "Seras, I'm not - myself. I feel so strange, I - I can't-"
The hand drifts to her hair, smoothing it down. She doesn't want to go, he knows that, really. But he can feel himself slipping, finally tumbling down the precipice he started to find himself on just after that carnival. And now he's proven to himself that... he's dangerous to her. Not because she can't take him, because...she can.
But because she won't back down. Because she won't stop fighting for him, even if her neck is on the line.
Alfred can't in good conscience let her. This is the line he's crossed. And now there is no going back over it, even if he can feel his dead heart falling to pieces.
"Please...he - he really must need you. He must be so lost. I will be fine. And I'm - not mad, not really, I'm just - I'm -
Please.
Go to him."