Closed RP Spot for loveinsideme/nachtvogel [NSFW WITHIN]

[heyhohey]

Comments

[loveinsideme]

"Engel, that's more like it." He sighs and smiles, though it feels forced and awkward as he reaches up to loosen the rope a little, to give Alfred more leeway to move his arms.

He can feel tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and he wipes them away quickly. "Fine, just fine, mon cheri. Just worried, that's all." Herbert pecks Alfred on the lips before he takes up the bowl again and offers Alfred another spoonful. "But I'll have you back to full health in no time."

[heyhohey]

The forced nature of the smile, the way Herbert is acting...it isn't lost on Alfred. He wants to ask, wants to press, wonders why he feels so...so sad.

But does he deserve to question, after putting Herbert in this position?

"...Okay," he murmurs, though he sounds unconvinced, something weighing at the back of his mind. Obediently, he swallows another spoon of blood, then... gently, tentatively, he reaches out to rest his hand on his lover's shoulder.

"I'm okay," he offers. "Engel, I promise. Never again. No more secrets."

[loveinsideme]

"No more experiments," Hebert fusses. "And if you must, then let us be there with you in case something happens. All right?"

There's blood speckling Alfred's lips and he looks so tired, so pale. Herbert's chest clenches and he reaches up to pat Alfred's hand where it sits on his shoulder. "You're not okay yet, but you will be. I'll make sure of it."

[heyhohey]

"I promise. I...I did learn some things. Important things. But...but we can talk about it later."

Alfred does not hide his feelings well. He never has - and so his concern for the way Herbert looks is plain on his face, gentle and kind and loving. He looks to where their hands are resting together, then back up to meet his eyes.

"But...I want you to be okay, too, Herbert."

[loveinsideme]

"I'm fine." But his face crumbles even as he says it, tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. "Oh Alfred, I -- "

He clears his throat and stares down into the bowl rather than try to look at Alfred. "I lost someone. Very dear to me. It was a long time ago, but the wounds feel very fresh. Some day I'll be able to talk about it, but for now it's too close. Too real.

Do you see, now? Why I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, too?"

[heyhohey]

Watching Herbert's mask fall away, Alfred's eyes widen - he listens, carefully, as he speaks...and as he does, a chill runs down his spine, for reasons he can't understand. His heart aches for his lover, sympathetic tears springing to his own eyes as he FEELS the sorrow, the heartbreak.

(His lungs, useless now, burn. Why?)

"Engel...I...." Reaching out with his free hand, he carefully rests his long fingers along Herbert's jaw, using his thumb to wipe away a tear as it falls.

"I'm so sorry, Herbert. I do. I do see." His own tears fall freely now - he can't seem to stop them, or stop the faint tremble that's shaking his body. Why? What is that, slinking around the edges of his memory?

Sniffling, he guides Herbert gently to look at him again.

"You have me. I'm not going anywhere. You...you need me. And I need you. This was - this was stupid of me...but no more. I swear it."

[loveinsideme]

Herbert presses his cheek against Alfred's palm, letting himself be comforted. It feels a little selfish, but he needs it, right now.

"I do. I do need you. And I will, always. I'm going to take care of you, Alfred. Until you're well again, I'll take care of you."

He could ask his father to do it. He could avoid forcing himself to face such dark memories. But he needs to be brave. For Alfred, he can be brave.

[heyhohey]

Alfred wouldn't care if Herbert were being selfish. He would give all he has to give just the same, without question, because... that's just who he is.

Besides, it's nice to be needed, and that's a little selfish too.

"Thank you, Engel. I love you." He wicks away another tear, smiling a sad, lopsided little smile. Now that he's fed a little, he feels a bit better...but still frail, that burn in his chest making him feel like he should rest again.

But not yet, not yet, something else in him urges.

"...C-can I...will you get the brush, so I can brush out your hair? I can tell you haven't yet tonight, and...." He lets the statement drop, but the meaning is clear - he's seeking normalcy. Alfred likes the quiet ritual of helping Herbert see to his hair, the gentle intimacy of the action.

[loveinsideme]

He debates for a moment, then reaches up to start undoing the ropes around Alfred's wrists. "Oh -- forget what father says. I trust you. You're not going to hurt me, now.

I'd love for you to brush my hair. I must look a little wild right now, I know. But first promise me to finish this bowl, all right?" Once Alfred is untied, he hands over the bowl and spoon.

It will feel nice, having Alfred brush his hair. It will help calm them both, help them feel better about tonight. Settle them in to get ready to sleep in a few hours.

[heyhohey]

"No - no, I would never."

The moment his wrists are untied, Alfred groans with relief, rubbing at them as he watches Herbert speak. Obediently, he takes the bowl and spoon - he's still hungry, after all, even now that he's calmed.

"Of course, Engel," he agrees, setting immediately to sipping at the blood - politely. Eating too fast in his state seems like a bad idea.

Something is still bothering him, but he can't put his finger on it - and honestly, he just wants to lift the mood, now. As soon as he finishes with the bowl, he sets it aside, focusing up and retracting his fangs (with some difficulty) to prove he's got his control back.

Maybe proving it to himself as much as to anyone else.

[loveinsideme]

"Good boy," Herbert coos and kisses Alfred's cheek. "We'll have you back to normal in no time. Now you don't move a muscle. I'll bring everything over here to you."

And he does, moving over to the vanity where he's started keeping some of his things. A bottle of perfume, a brush, a small ornate box filled with ribbons and hairpins. He brings the brush and the box over to the bed, sitting crosslegged in front of Alfred.

"Do with me as you please."

[heyhohey]

The kiss is returned with a little smile, sleepy and placid. He's glad to make Herbert happy - glad that, maybe, they can put the worst of the night behind them.

When his lover sits down, Alfred immediately sets to work, taking up the brush and gently, calmly running it through his long blonde locks, softly working out tangles with his fingers.

"First you tie me to the headboard, then you tell me to do what I want with you. Mixed messages, Engel."

A joke, spoken lightly. His voice is...a little bit strained, but at least there is joy in it.

[loveinsideme]

"Oh now we're making jokes!" Herbert laughs, holding still so Alfred can detangle his hair. Hours of running his fingers through it nervously have left it a bit of a mess.

"All good things in time, I promise you."

[heyhohey]

There's a little giggle at that - he's glad the joke got a laugh. It's relatively recent that he's gotten comfortable enough with his own sexuality to start saying things like that out loud.

"Well, I'm sure those good things will be worth the wait." Once the tangles are suitably worked through, Alfred sets the brush down...then, automatically, he reaches out and starts to section the hair.

He's braided Herbert's hair before, but a French braid is about as elaborate as he has managed - but impulse makes him do things a little differently this time.

There's that burning in his chest again. He tries to ignore it.

[loveinsideme]

"And they will wait, until you're better."

He settles in and gets comfortable as Alfred brushes his hair, humming happily at the feeling of the brush and Alfred's fingers carefully picking through the knots in his hair.

He'd been expecting a French braid, perhaps. But Alfred's parting his hair in a new and different way, and Herbert's brow furrows in confusion. "What are you doing back there, cheri?"

[heyhohey]

"Of course. We...we have lots of time, after all."

Alfred always takes on a different tone of voice when he's Doing Something - a soft, meditative tone, gentle and calm. This really does relax him, doting on Herbert in little ways like this, winding his long, silky hair around his fingers.

He passes strands this way and that - the pattern is new, but his hands seem to know it.

"Just trying something different," he murmurs with a smile. "I wanted to...to focus a little harder on you, Engel, so I'm doing something tricky."

[loveinsideme]

"Well I'd love to see it, when you're done." Alfred's tone goes a long way towards relaxing him, as well. Hearing him sound contented and pleased, not in pain. It gives him hope that Alfred will heal and get better.

[heyhohey]

"It's pretty, so far, I think. I hope you like it."

There is serenity in this moment - something sorely needed - but there is... something else, too. A sense of deja vu, of nostalgia.

Strange.

[loveinsideme]

"I'm absolutely certain that I will." He reaches back to pat Alfred's knee. He keeps his back straight so that Alfred could properly finish his hair. It's nice, to have a moment like this after such a trying experience. Just a chance to spend some time with Alfred quietly.

[heyhohey]

Alfred smiles, warm and gentle, enjoying the touch. On impulse, he leans forward a moment, resting a soft little kiss on the nape of Herbert's neck. "I love you, Engel." Said for no reason...now that he's gotten used to vocalizing it, he does it often - out loud, in psychic messages, in notes. It's become second nature.

Pulling back, he ties off the end of the braid, admiring his handiwork.

"There. I'm - I'm not really sure how I did it, but I think it looks good."

[loveinsideme]

Herbert carefully pulls the braid over his shoulder to look at it -- and if his heart were beating it would have stopped in his chest. It's the same braid Solin was constantly making in his hair.

The birthmark, the braid. Alfred calling him my dear. The overwhelming feeling of familiarity and comfort he feels around Alfred. It can't be.

Could it?

"Did you -- Alfred, this looks lovely," he says first, his voice slightly choked. "Did you tell me once, that you had dreams of being in this castle before?"

[heyhohey]

Oh - that needle of shock is strong enough to make Alfred's eyes widen a little, his brows furrowing at Herbert's reaction. He looks...confused, exhausted.

"I...I'm glad you like it," he stammers, concern plain on his face. "And...yes, I - I think? It's always felt a little familiar."

The strain in his lover's voice makes him worry - his hand moves to cup his cheek.

"Is something wrong, Herbert?"

[loveinsideme]

"It's just -- " His lower lip trembles and he tries to compose himself. "I was with a boy, when I was young. Before I was turned. He called me my dear, and would braid my hair like this. He had a birthmark like a star. And -- "

A few tears leak out of the corner of his eyes and roll slowly down his cheek and he rests his hand on top of Alfred's. His hands are shaking. His whole body feels like it's shaking, in fact. "You're gentle, like he was. And so, so sweet. You remind me so much of him."

[heyhohey]

Alfred isn't sure he's ever seen Herbert like this before - he looks just shy of shattering like glass, like some delicate thing under his touch. "Engel," he breathes, his tone sounding a little strained. He can feel his energy running out, but - he needs to be strong right now. Herbert needs him.

So he listens, pursing his lips and knitting his brow tighter at the explanation. There is...something - something in him stirring, pushing, echoing through his heart.

And with what Herbert is saying....

"...W-wait, are you...trying to say that...I'm...?"

[loveinsideme]

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying to say." He takes Alfred's hand and kisses the back of it, then his palm, with a nervous energy he can't quite shake.

"Simply that there are so many things you do that remind me of him. To many things to ignore any longer. I've been trying my hardest not to compare the two of you, but this -- We'd sit together at the tree where we met, at dusk. And he'd braid my hair just like this for me.

It took my by surprise, that's all. A silly notion, nothing more," he says, trying to smile. Trying to dismiss this nagging feeling that somehow Alfred is Solin.