Closed RP Spot for loveinsideme/nachtvogel [NSFW WITHIN]

[heyhohey]

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[loveinsideme]

"And the moon makes people go wild. Maybe that's why we suit each other so well," he teases in return, reaching over to touch Alfred's knee lightly.

It's good. It's comfortable. He hasn't felt comfortable in quite some time.

[heyhohey]

This makes Alfred giggle - and just a little bit, he presses his leg into the touch.

"Maybe. At least, it might be a factor."

It IS comfortable, and that surprises the boy. Being UNcomfortable is something of a default state....

And yet, here he is.

Reaching out on impulse, he hooks his hand under Herbert's calf, pulling gently - lifting up his work to hint that the vampire can swing his legs across Alfred's lap, if he likes.

Inviting him closer, bit by bit.

Showing he is comfortable, instead of just saying so.

[loveinsideme]

"Well, if you insist." He sets his sewing aside and stretches out with his legs in Alfred's lap, lounging back against the arm of the sofa.

"I can't wait to see the shirt when it's done. It looks lovely so far. I like that thread you're using."

[heyhohey]

Alfred makes a pleased little noise when Herbert cozies up, resting his arms and his work in the other man's lap and smiling fondly.

This really is nice.

"I'm glad - that you like it, I mean. I thought this color red would help fill in over the stains...and then I can go with with some greens for leaves. Make it really vibrant."

[loveinsideme]

Herbert rests his chin on his hand while he watches Alfred work so swiftly and deftly. "I love the way you think about colour. About what will look good together, what will go together. It's fantastic."

[heyhohey]

"I've just always...really liked color, I suppose," he chuckles, tying off a rosette and starting another.

"Father was always about utility. Mother liked color in her clothes, but...well, she was...quiet. Like me, sometimes. So growing up, I had to sort of...find ways to make my life more colorful."

[loveinsideme]

"I love colour." He's always wearing silvers and blues and purples. Brighter colours than his father's burgundys and blacks. "Father used to as well, before he was turned. A lot of jewel tones. And then once he was turned, he only wanted to wear dark colours. To embrace the night, he said."

Herbert sets his fangs against his lower lip and rolls his eyes, clearly thinking that's the silliest thing he's heard.

[heyhohey]

"I can tell - you may be the brightest thing in the castle," Alfred muses fondly, looking to Herbert with a smile. He tries to picture the Count wearing anything brightly colored, but....

"I can't imagine him in jewel tones," he finally admits - and then Herbert pulls that face, and... it's cute, and it's funny, and it makes the young man giggle, dead heart almost fluttering.

[loveinsideme]

He loves being able to make Alfred laugh like that, and he keeps the face for a moment, batting his eyes at Alfred. "I swear it. Cross my heart. Sapphire and emerald."

And the compliment earns Alfred a soft kiss, "You help me be as bright as I am. You've brought so much light into my life, my sweet sun."

[heyhohey]

He giggles a bit more, both at Herbert being goofy for him, and at the mental image of Georg in colors. It's... bittersweet, actually. But he thinks he understands.

Alfred smiles into the kiss, but shakes his head, just a little.

"...Thank you, but...Herbert, the first time I saw you at the door, it was like...." He falters a little, reddening. "Well, your father is so... he's magnetic, but so...dark. When you walked out, it was like...being in a dark room, and then opening the door to a garden. You...you shine."

[loveinsideme]

Oh. Well. He clearly deserves another kiss for that. Soft and slow, his hand coming up to stroke Alfred's cheek.

"I love shining for you. You make me beam." It's almost shy. Half a whisper and he rests their foreheads together for a moment. "You have so much light in you, and you don't even realize it."

[heyhohey]

Herbert is so doting with him - has been, since the beginning - that when his soft, shy, lonely little moods show through, it makes Alfred feel...seen. Confided in.

And he's getting used to the kisses, especially when they are as tender as this one.

His bright blue eyes are thoughtful as he regards what Herbert is saying...something sad milling around within him.

"It's hard, I think," he finally ventures, so softly, so quietly, "To see your own light. I think you need someone else to reflect it back to you. Because I...I think you don't realize how brilliant you are, either. Not really." He rests a hand on Herbert's knee, callused and worn from working to the bone.

"... We're a lot more alike than I thought we were when we met, I think."

[loveinsideme]

"Then..." He strokes his fingers over Alfred's cheek, looking thoughtful. He's such an insecure person, deep down. Oh, he puts on a good show of it, with his bravado and his grandiosity. But he doesn't always feel that way.

Except around Alfred. Alfred makes him feel that way.

"Then we'll have to be each other's mirrors, won't we? And we'll have to show each other how much the other one shines."

[heyhohey]

"Yes."

Something...changes, in the way that Alfred is looking at Herbert. A subtle shift in his eyes, a softening, a warmth in his expression. It's taking time, but...something is changing between them. Something important. Lost in thought, he reaches up to cup Herbert's cheek, as soft as a butterfly landing.

"...May I...may I ask you something?"

Halting. Nervous.

[loveinsideme]

Herbert leans into the touch, feeling the way Alfred's hands are so much rougher than his own. The way the calluses and rough spots feel against his skin. "Yes of course. You can ask me anything you want to, lovely boy."

[heyhohey]

There is a long moment as he collects his thoughts, and then -

"...You...you told me that you...you loved me, from the first moment you saw me." The words tumble out, haphazard, stammering. "But...how did you know? That it was...."

Something in his heart twinges, and it isn't hard to tell he is trying to work something through.

"...That it was real? Even though we had never met?"

[loveinsideme]

Oh, that's a very good question. He thinks for a moment, considering his answer. How, exactly to word how he was feeling when he first laid eyes on Alfred.

"Because for the first time in almost two hundred years, it felt like my heart was beating again. It felt like I saw the sun again."

[heyhohey]

...Oh.

Alfred's eyes go very wide - the sincerity, the sheer weight in those words...the idea that he is that important to...anyone? It almost frightens him. The hand on Herbert's knee moves up to rub at the scar on the side of his neck, twisted and gnarled.

He thought he had loved Sarah, the first time he saw her. He really did. He put himself through so much over it, too, had thrown his whole heart into trying to save her from her family, then from the castle....

But it was never like that, was it? He was surprised, attracted, enamored, but....

His eyes lower, as do his shoulders, his hand shaking on Herbert's cheek as he voices the realization:

"...I...I don't think I...ever really loved her."

[loveinsideme]

"Oh, that's -- " It's a hard thing to realize. Herbert had gone through that a few times, himself, after -- well, after a lot of things. Taking on a new boy who had seemed like he might be the one, but it turned out he'd just thought him handsome, or charming, and there was no substance to his attraction. Not like --

... anyway.

He takes the hand on his cheek and presses it between his own hands, reassuringly. "That's perfectly all right. Though I know it seems very painful, right now, to realize that. And it might hurt for some time, yet."

[heyhohey]

Herbert is being so sweet, so kind, so reassuring - and maybe that's why the dam finally shatters within Alfred. His expression goes from realization, to self-loathing, and finally settles on...broken, face screwing tight as he begins to sob. His free hand moves to Herbert's shoulder to grasp in his shirt, head bowing to bury itself in his chest.

It hurts, it really does.

But maybe it will hurt less than thinking there was ever a chance.

"I'm such - I'm such an idiot," he wails, laying bare his feelings in a way he hasn't done in front of Herbert before. Because he feels safe.

[loveinsideme]

It shatters Herbert's heart to see Alfred like that. So confused, so heartbroken. He carefully sets aside both their mending so he can pull Alfred close, wrapping his arms tight around him and stroking his hair gently.

"You're not, Alfred, you're not. You're young, that's all. You found a -- lovely girl and felt something you hadn't felt before. It's hard, I know, and I know you feel foolish and that your heart feels like it's breaking, but I promise you you're not an idiot for feeling this way."

[heyhohey]

"She wasn't even really lovely," he spits, surprisingly bitter - and then immediately regrets it, shaking his head and cringing even as he's got his face buried securely in Herbert's arms. "I mean - she's - she was - ah, I don't know...."

But despite his quailing, he's still being honest. With himself, and with the man in front of him.

The man in front of him who...made him feel wanted, for the first time in forever.

Who makes him feel safe.

Who cried for him, cared for him...who saved him.

Who he refused Death for.

Oh.

Oh.

[loveinsideme]

Herbert rolls his eyes a little, not at Alfred, no of course not, but at the mere thought of Sarah. "Well I agree with you there, but that still doesn't matter. You felt how you felt. And there's nothing wrong with that."

And he holds him. Through his crying over his heart aching for someone else. Because he loves Alfred, and they have all of eternity to figure out their own complicated feelings for each other. Whatever time Alfred takes mourning the loss of a potential love is a drop in the bucket, compared to what they could have. What they will have.

[heyhohey]

He never loved her at all. No, he didn't. He loved the idea of it, the concept of being the hero in a fairytale, rescuing the poor, imprisoned princess from the haunted castle. But...this isn't a fairy tale, is it?

It's not a fairy tale, and he will never be a hero.

Sniffling, he clutches tightly to Herbert, his sobbing finally slowing down as he is soothed by the other man's arms, his voice, his words.

"...Thank you, Herbert," he whimpers. "I...I really don't know what I would do without you."

[loveinsideme]

"Oh you could do plenty without me. I'm just here to help you see your light, remember? And no matter how many times you need to cry over her, I'll be here for you. I'll still hold you, I'll listen to your sorrows and try my best to comfort you through them."

He takes a deep breath, because this is hard to admit, but -- "I've thought I was in love, too. Long ago. And it shattered me when I realized it wasn't as real as I wanted it to be."